“I’m a big boy. I’ll be fine.” And it’s true. I care for Ella. Envisioned a future with her too. But if she isn’t meant to be a part of my life, I can’t do anything to change that. “Be good to yourself.” I stroll out of the suite, my head still spinning. In the span of an hour, this day has gone from sixty to zero. Fuck.

Actually, I do know what’s next.

Revised Step Three: Get wasted.

Status: On it.

*  *  *

“Drinking won’t help you feel better, Dean.”

I’m slouched over in the corner of the hotel bar, nursing a Macallan on the rocks, and someone’s here to mess with my buzz. I look up to see my mother, her lips pressed together and her expression leery.

“Mother.”

“May I join you?”

I gesture to the stool beside mine. “Be my guest.”

She lowers herself onto the seat and raises a finger to get the bartender’s attention. Once she’s ordered—an uncharacteristically sedate club soda, of all things—she swivels around to face me. “I’m sorry this day didn’t turn out the way you expected.”

“Not your fault.”

“I’m not so sure about that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

She sighs. “It’s just . . . Don’t take this the wrong way, son, but Ella isn’t the person I imagined for you.”

I draw back and meet her gaze, flinging the tip of my tie behind me. “Why not? She’s intelligent, driven, beautiful, charming.”

“You’re not really saying much,” she says, barely containing her grimace. “That’s a checklist.”

“Checklists are a successful person’s handbook. Don’t knock ’em ’til you try ’em.”

“I’ll pass,” she says on a chuckle. “I’d rather let my heart lead the way.”

As usual, I refrain from pointing out the obvious: Her heart’s been a consistently unreliable navigator for years. If she can’t accept that fact by now, she never will. My mother can erase her past all she wants, but I was there too.

Surprising me, my mother does something she hasn’t done in years: She combs her fingers through the front of my hair as if she’s attempting to arrange it neatly, then she ruffles it. “I know you think it’s important to always stay on track, but that doesn’t mean you can’t give yourself the space to fall for someone too. I want you to experience it all, Dean. That moment when the person you love walks in a room and you get this warm, fuzzy feeling in your chest and all you want to do is run over to them and hold them tight? Don’t knock that ’til you try it.”