“Because there’s no point in prolonging the inevitable. I’m leaving soon. Maybe.”

She seizes on the word maybe and perks up. “What do you mean ‘maybe’? Did you hear something from the school?”

I wish I could lie to my mother, but every time I fix my mouth to do so, it rejects the attempt, as if my brain has figured out how to make it physically impossible. “Yes, they gave me a permanent offer.” I drop the spade and put up my hands. “But please wait, wait, wait, because I’m ninety percent certain I’m not going to take it.”

“Why?” she asks on a huff.

“Lots of reasons, Mãe. I’d be committing to staying in DC, and I’m not sure this is the best place for me. Plus, they want me to implement a new curriculum, and what if it doesn’t work out? Or the students don’t stick with the program? I don’t want to find myself stuck if this turns out to be a bad decision.”

She knits her brows, and a line appears between them. “So you’re going to assume all of those bad things will happen and that’s it?”

I groan. Now we’re both frustrated. “It’s just that I don’t want to make a bad decision and find myself wondering how the hell I got off course.”

She looks down at her hands and flexes them. “That’s what you think happened to me.”

Her voice is soft and laced with hurt, and now I want to smack myself with the spade. “Mãe, no, I couldn’t be prouder of you than I already am. But you gave up enough, and I worry that you’re waiting for me to fix my life so you can know what to do with yours.”

“I’m your mother,” she says, exasperated.

“Of course, Mãe. But that’s not all you are. Remember you said you wanted to grow flowers?” Florticulture, she called it once. She even spent summers working at the Jardim Botânico in Rio when she was young to cultivate that interest.

She whips her head around and laughs, recognition dawning on her face. “Is that what we’re doing here?”

“I just thought it would be a way to help spark your interest in growing flowers again. Maybe as a career.” I drop my head. “But I can see I just made a mess of things.”