Back The Voice in My Ear
Chapters (14)
  1. COVER
  2. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  3. DEDICATION
  4. THE VOICE IN MY EAR
  5. BRODERIE ANGLAISE
  6. PATIENCE
  7. THE MAN IN ROOM SIX
  8. WITH THEM INTERCEDE FOR US ALL
  9. WOULD YOU RATHER
  10. MUSTER’S PUPPETS PRESENTS …
  11. A SOURCE
  12. PLIGHT
  13. NO TWO WERE E’ER WED
  14. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Document

On Claire’s last day, they meet at a coffee shop. Jerome insists on smoking a joint, though he never normally lets himself smoke in Haarlem: he says he’d never get anything done. Claire drinks her beer and watches his eyes droop.

‘This is a sativa variety,’ he says. ‘It’s much more mellow than the indicas. You sure you don’t wanna try?’

‘I’m fine.’

He breathes out a snake of pale smoke. ‘You know,’ he says, ‘I’m gonna try and get back to Haarlem, or maybe Amsterdam, next summer. If I manage to swing something, you should come out and see me.’

Claire clamps her teeth together. The old pain leaps up. ‘I’m my mother’s primary carer,’ she says, ‘so we’ll have to see. It depends how she’s doing.’

‘Who’s looking after her now?’

Claire tells him about Patience. She explains her mother’s unhappiness about the situation, her brother’s unavailability to help. When she’s finished, Jerome says, ‘My father had a synthetic. He had dementia with Lewy bodies – which nobody’s ever heard of, it’s like the rarest thing – and all these calcium crystal diseases, where he had crystals building up in his joints, and gallstones, and stuff like that. He was deaf. I had to teach, I couldn’t be home all the time, and he couldn’t be left on his own. The synthetic was great. She just got on with it, no problem. She didn’t care if he was yelling about home invaders or trying to show her his dick.’

‘My mother’s not like that.’

‘I think it’s amazing what you do. Absolutely amazing. I couldn’t do it. I literally could not do it.’

‘Don’t you feel guilty?’

Jerome looks out of the window. Solemnly he says, ‘My father passed. He was seventy-eight years old. And no, I wasn’t there – but what I try to tell myself is, neither was he.’

They say goodbye on the pavement, an awkward hug, a promise to write. Then she goes back to her apartment and finishes packing. As she is dragging her bags down the stairwell, her phone buzzes with a text from the psychiatry museum: ‘Hi Claire! Thank you for volunteering with us today! See you at 4pm!’

She is not in the mood, not in the slightest; she wishes bitterly she’d been called to volunteer earlier in her stay. Could she simply not go? She supposes she could. Other people flake out on their obligations. But Claire has always been dutiful. She will take her bags with her and ask to store them behind the desk. She will do this one last thing.

The compulsory chair has been removed from the main exhibition hall and placed in the former chancel for the Living Museum. It stands spotlit in the middle of the floor, the dramatic lighting making the burnished leather and the wooden wings shine. Claire swings her legs up on to the leg-rests and settles back. The spotlight closes her eyes.