It was not the first time he had grown hard from reading the notebook, but it was the first time his hardness had not been unwelcome. He knew he should be reflecting on what the entry meant, though God knew Claire hadn’t bothered – but he could not concentrate. He was absolutely rigid. Then it was like the first time he’d hunted for the notebook and found it and known he was going to open it, known he would start reading. Just like that, he knew what he would do. He was surprised he hadn’t done it sooner. He opened his jeans and pulled out his cock and began to stroke it. He read the entry again. Certain phrases detached themselves and began to throb with new meaning. He groaned. He was going to come quickly. No need to flip back to the other entries today, the one about Claire’s bruised breasts, though this was another thing he knew: that the next time, or the time after that, he would. He was going to use this book. It even crossed his mind to come on its spread pages, but at the last second he turned aside and cupped himself with his hand. Not today. Perhaps never. But if this new accommodation ever became as intolerable as the last, he reserved the right to ejaculate into the notebook, then squish it shut and put it back under the mattress for Claire to find.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

‘Broderie Anglaise’ was shortlisted for the BBC National Short Story Award in 2015 and broadcast on Radio 4. My thanks to Arts Council England for a grant. Special thanks to Leonie Rushforth, Joanna Biggs, Alba Ziegler-Bailey, Ana Fletcher, and Paul Batchelor.

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