Unable to find his father, Raymond ignored the hair-pulling that was going on in the hallway and ran up the stairs. Two women fighting was a sight for sore eyes and all he wanted to do was find his old man and get home to his wife.

‘Look at ya, with all your lils hanging out. No wonder my Stanley can’t keep away, revealing your body like that. It ain’t right, you look like an Old Tom,’ Joyce shouted as she tried to drag Pat down the hallway by her hair.

Raymond ran down the stairs and separated the brawling women once more. ‘I’ve looked everywhere. Dad ain’t here,’ he told his mother.

Fiddling about with her messed-up bouffant, Joyce marched into the lounge. She knew what a coward her husband was and she knew a little weasel like him would find somewhere to hide. She saw the two dinner plates on the table and smirked. ‘Stanley, I know you’re in here,’ she yelled.

As Pat tried to run into the lounge, Raymond restrained her.

‘Get your hands off me else I’ll call the Old Bill,’ Pat screamed.

‘Shut it you old trollop, you’ve already done enough damage,’ Raymond spat.

Stanley started shaking as Joyce leaned over the sofa and spotted him.

‘There you are. Now get your stuff, you’re coming home with me,’ she yelled.

Stanley stood up and, as he did, came face to face with Pat. She had just kneed Raymond in the nuts to come to his rescue.

‘Stanley’s going nowhere. He’s told me all about you. You’re always putting him down and making him feel small. He’s a lovely man, is Stanley, and you don’t bloody deserve him,’ Pat informed Joyce.

About to start shouting and screaming once more, Joyce took in Pat’s words and stopped herself. Over the years, she had always put Stanley down, but that was just their relationship. She didn’t always mean what she said, it was just her way of speaking to him. Joyce turned to her husband. ‘Please come home, Stanley. I need you there and I miss you.’

Raymond stood in the doorway holding his groin. Pat had really hurt him and he felt like smacking her one, but he didn’t clump women. ‘Dad, come home and we’ll sort this out indoors,’ Ray pleaded.