Stanley was more anxious than usual as he got underneath the covers. Usually when he and Pat retired to bed for the evening he had plied himself with cans of bitter, but today Pat had insisted on a total booze ban and Stanley’s nerves were beginning to jangle.

When Pat came in from the bathroom, took off her dressing gown and got into bed beside him, Stanley felt his legs start to tremble. Last week she’d grabbed his hand and rubbed it against her vagina and he just hoped that that wasn’t part of her little surprise. In all the years Stanley had been with Joycie, he’d never had to touch her vagina, all they’d ever done was have missionary-position sex, and that was only to make babies.

‘Now, take them pyjama bottoms off, Stanley,’ Pat ordered him.

‘Do I have to?’ Stanley asked apprehensively.

‘Yes, I can’t give you your little surprise with them on, can I?’

Stanley took his bottoms off under the quilt and shut his eyes. Whatever Pat was going to do, he knew he wasn’t going to like it and he just wanted to get it over with.

When Pat began kissing his chest, Stanley breathed a sigh of relief. It felt quite nice and relaxing. ‘What you doing now?’ he asked, as Pat’s head moved down towards his belly button.

‘Just relax and enjoy yourself,’ Pat whispered seductively.

Stanley was anything but relaxed when a minute later Pat put his John Thomas in her mouth.

‘What the fuck are you doing? There’s something very wrong with you, woman,’ he screamed as he jumped out of the bed and turned the light on. Heart beating like a drum, he quickly put on his pyjama bottoms.

‘What have I done wrong? I only wanted you to have fun and enjoy yourself,’ Pat said, bemused by Stanley’s reaction.

‘Have fun and enjoy myself? What, by indulging in utter filth? It’s perverted, Pat, that ain’t normal.’

‘Well, my Vic used to like it,’ Pat said, near to tears.

‘Well, I ain’t your Vic, am I?’ Stanley yelled, as he slammed the bedroom door behind him. When he’d served in the army as a young man, he’d overheard men talking about vile sex acts like that, but he didn’t think he’d ever be a victim of one, especially at his age. Didn’t the stupid woman realise she had nearly given him a heart attack?

Walking into the spare room, Stanley sat down on the bed and put his head in his hands. He couldn’t live with Pat any more, not after this, but he very much doubted Joycie would have him back, and he had little money and nowhere else to go.