Over in Orsett, Stanley was extremely nervous as he changed into his striped pyjamas in the bathroom. He was reasonably drunk, had been supping bitter all day and it was that that had given him the courage to agree to sleep in Pat the Pigeon’s bed with her.

‘Stanley, where are you?’ Pat asked in a singsong, seductive tone.

Stanley glanced at himself in the bathroom mirror. He was sweating like a pig, but it couldn’t be helped, as he was petrified of what was to come. Scuttling into the bedroom like a naughty schoolboy, Stanley turned off the light, jumped under the quilt and lay frozen on the right-hand side of the bed, staring upwards.

Pat immediately leaned over towards him. She was very sexually frustrated. She fancied Stanley something rotten and had dreamed of this moment for months.

Feeling Pat’s naked breasts against his chest, Stanley gasped in horror. Why didn’t she have her nightdress on?

‘Are you OK, Stanley?’ Pat asked, as she began to undo the buttons on his pyjama top.

Stanley nodded dumbly. He tried to speak, but no words would come out. When Pat’s hand travelled downwards to the opening of his pyjama bottoms, Stanley suddenly found his voice. ‘Stop it! What are you doing, woman?’ he shrieked.

Pat smiled as she clasped her right hand around Stanley’s limp prized asset. ‘Trust me, I’ll be gentle with you, Stanley,’ she promised. Pat was an expert with a penis, always had been.

Aware that his long-term-unemployed asset was not responding to Pat’s gentle touch, Stanley shut his eyes. If only he could block out the embarrassment that he felt, it might just raise a slight gallop.

Harry O’Hara lay in bed, wide awake. He’d had the best Christmas presents ever and, even though it was ten o’clock, he couldn’t sleep, as he was too excited about driving his new car again tomorrow. ‘You awake, Georgie?’ he asked his sister.

‘Yeah,’ Georgie replied.

‘Can I get in your bed with you tonight?’

Georgie kissed Barbie goodnight then put her on the bedside cabinet to make room for Harry. As her brother got in, she snuggled up to him.

‘I love my new car. I wanna be a racing driver when I grow up,’ Harry told her in earnest.

‘I love all my toys, especially Barbie and her horse. Daddy said he’ll buy me a real horse so I can ride it like Barbie does,’ Georgie replied excitedly.

Harry grinned. ‘I like living here now with Daddy, Nanny Alice and Grandad Jimmy, do you?’

Georgie nodded.

‘Do you think we will live with Mummy again?’ Harry asked.

Georgie shrugged. ‘Do you miss Mummy still?’