“If you don’t feel like it, that’s fine. But if it were possible for you to just naturally…”

“That’s it, I’m done.” J stood up.

“Just a minute, wait. I won’t ask you to do anything more. Just what you’ve been doing so far.” He grabbed J by the shoulder. Perhaps he’d used more force than he’d intended, because J grunted and pushed his hand away.

“Hey, come on…there’s no need for that.”

A silent pause. J seemed to soften a little.

“I understand…I’m an artist too, after all. But this kind of thing just…no. Who is this woman, anyway? She doesn’t seem like a prostitute. And even if she were, it still wouldn’t be okay, you know?”

“I understand. Really, I do. I’m sorry.”

J got back onto the sheet, but the sexually charged atmosphere of a few minutes ago had completely fizzled out. He put his arms around her and laid her down, his face set hard as though this were all some form of punishment. Their bodies overlapped like two petals, and she closed her eyes. If J had agreed, she would have gone along without a murmur of protest. He felt sure of that.

“Try moving a bit.”

Slowly, J moved his body back and forth in a pained, stilted mimicry of sex. He watched as the soles of her feet curled up and her hands clasped J’s waist. Her body was sufficiently animated, flushed with desire, to make up for J’s passivity. They spent ten minutes or so in that position, every second of which was clearly repulsive to J, though to him it felt all too short. Still, he managed to get the angles he’d wanted, and some decent images for the tape.

“Are we all done now?” J asked. His skin was flushed red right up to his hair, but it wasn’t from arousal.

“Just once more…this is the last time.” He swallowed. “From behind. Make her lie on her stomach. This really is the last time. It’s the most important scene. Don’t say you can’t.” J burst into a laughter that sounded more like sobbing.

“That’s it. That’s really it. I’m going to stop now before this gets any worse. You’ve got plenty of inspiration. Now I know what it feels like for porno actors. It’s miserable!”

He put a restraining hand on J’s shoulder, but J shook him off and began to get dressed. He gritted his teeth and watched as his work, the still-intact whirl of flowers, disappeared beneath J’s plain-colored shirt. “It’s not that I don’t understand, okay? Don’t think I’m some kind of prude. I guess I’m just more…more restrained than I thought I was. I agreed to do it because I was curious, but I just can’t go through with it. I guess there are just parts of myself that I need to, to awaken, but…I need some time first, I’m sorry.”