“I did. It’s terrible. But Will’s strong. He’ll get better.”

“The doctors say there could be brain damage. He’ll never be the same.”

“Jay, listen to me. He’ll get better.” I was trying to convince myself as much as him.

“I did this. He’s lying in that hospital bed because of me.”

“That’s not true.”

“I told him to stay quiet about us. Why couldn’t he stay quiet?”

“Because Will’s a decent, honorable kid,” I said.

“I love him.”

“I know.”

“I love him, but I destroyed his whole life. I wish I’d never met him. I wish I could go back and change everything.”

“I understand. Really, I do. I know exactly how you feel. But this isn’t the answer, Jay. Put down the gun. Put it on the ice, and walk toward me.”

Jay didn’t do what I said. Instead, he pushed the barrel harder into his head, and I flinched. I put up my hands and took a few more steps. The snow swirled, and the wind roared. I blinked as ice balls gathered on my eyelids. Under my feet, I could hear the thump of the water pushing like a body against the ice, trying to get free. I felt as if we were surrounded by the dead, all the ones who’d come before us. They came and went in the white cloud, ghosts pointing their crooked fingers at me. I felt a sickness in my stomach.

“Gordon hated me,” Jay said. He still couldn’t call him his father.

“No, he didn’t. Maybe he didn’t understand you, but fathers don’t hate their sons.”

“He hated me, and I hated him.”

“Don’t do this to yourself,” I told him. “Let me get you help. Put down the gun, and let’s get out of here.”

Jay shook his head. “I’m done.”

“You’re not. No way are you done. You are seventeen years old, and you have the rest of your life ahead of you. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I want to confess. You’re a cop, right? I want to confess.”

“Confess to what?”

“I killed Gordon,” Jay said.

“No, you didn’t.”

“I did. It was me.” He jabbed a finger at Ben Malloy, who’d emerged from the trees and was standing by the lakeshore. “You! Do you hear me? Do you hear what I’m saying? I killed him! I killed Gordon Brink! Me and nobody else! I cut the bastard into little pieces. I sliced him up and watched him bleed to death. You’re looking for the beast that did it? The monster? That’s me!”

“Jay,” I begged him. “No! What are you doing?”

“I am the Ursulina!” he bellowed.

“Stop it! You’re not!”