After Jason’s court appearance, we sat in my car, waiting for a bus to slide out from the belly of the courthouse. Chance was not happy about it. “Tell me again why we’re doing this.”

He’d said it before, but few things were real to me now: Becky, my brother, this question of manhood and war.

“Can’t we go to the quarry or something?”

“Chill,” I said. “That’s the bus.”

A bus emerged and rolled past us—same white paint and black letters—and I saw my brother inside. I knew where they were taking him, so I couldn’t explain this need, but I wanted to see the prison and make it real. I stayed far back, but kept the bus in sight as it moved through the city and into the countryside. It took an hour to reach the far, empty place where Lanesworth waited for my brother, and when we got there, I stopped on the verge of the state road, and watched dust rise as the bus split a brown-green field and disappeared under a canopy of trees.

“We’re not going in?” Chance asked.

“This is far enough.”

“Finally, some sense.”

He spit through the open window and I felt a wave of anger. “How many times have I been there for you, Chance? When your dad left. When your mom got sick. I could name a hundred others, and I didn’t bitch about any of them, did I? I went to the hospital. You lived in my room for a month.”

“Dude…”

“Two damn minutes, all right?”

He didn’t apologize, but Chance played tough about the things that really mattered. His mom was one. I was another. When dust settled in the field, I turned across the road, and drove us out.

“Did you get what you needed?” Chance asked.

“I’m not sure what I needed.”

“Look, man. If he didn’t do it, he’ll get out. Not for the guns, maybe, but you know…”

I had no response, and the rest of the drive was like that. In the city, I dropped Chance at the mall. His reasons were simple. “If I’m going to cut school, I may as well have some fun. Sure I can’t talk you into it?”

“Not today.”

“I can come with you if you want.”

“Nah, go on. I’ll see you later.”

I left him on the sidewalk, and drove to Sara’s condominium. There was no answer when I knocked on the door, but I saw an upstairs curtain twitch. “Sara, come on.” I knocked again. “Sara!”

When the door opened, she looked puffy and pale. “What are you doing here?”

“I don’t know. I wanted to check on you.”

“Well, now you have.”

She leaned on the door, but I caught it before it closed. “Sara, wait.”