JARED: I have no time or interest in a regular piece of—in a relationship.

CASH: No one could stand him anyway.

JB: (cough) Oh, I doubt that. I’m sure a TON of women would enjoy putting up with Jared Westin. (me, me, me!)

COLBY: The woman would have to have balls of steel.

CASH: And more sass and ‘tude then he’d know what to do with.

JB: Know anyone like that? (me, me, me!)

COLBY: No one that wouldn’t castrate him for the hell of it.

CASH: Or that would be interested in (using air quotes) a relationship.

JARED: No one’s asking you boys to set me up. Jackasses. I prefer a little more discretion.

COLBY: Yeah, what you prefer is two at a time.

Oh. My. Gosh. He didn’t just say that. Two at a time?

CASH: Look at Boss Man, trying to sound like he won’t get rough and rowdy.

JARED: Cash, you’re a moron. You seriously don’t think Cristin is going to read the transcripts of this little sit down and not plot your slow death by the hands of woman interested in making forever stick with you? Be careful. If you’re too stupid to realize what could happen, shit, that’s not my problem.

JB: Oh… (I gesture to Jared) He’s got a point, Cash. You’re totally screwed.

CASH: Yeah, trust me. Cristin can try all she wants. I have no interest in a relationship…

JB: Hmm, why does that sentence feel unfinished? …ever again?

CASH (readjusts cowboy hat): Subject change. Now.

JB (throwing hands up): The messenger, remember? (What is that slobbering grunting noise?) Um, I think your dog is chewing on the table.

JARED: Probably is.

JB: Oh-kay… Back to basics- boxers or briefs?

No one says a word.

JB: Oh come on. The readers want to know.

(Silence)

JB: Well, okay. I guess if you’re not man enough to answer a simple question about your preference in undergarments I’ll just have to make it up. Hmmm, men wear g-strings, don’t they?

CASH: Any lady that wants to find out if I’m sporting boxers or briefs can give me a call.

(Gripping my hand under the table to keep it from flying up to volunteer)

COLBY: Seriously, man. (Shaking head) Do you ever stop?

JARED: Next question.

JB: (jotting down g-strings…got it) Um, okay. Jared, why did you decide to start Titan?

JARED: Bad shit happened to good people. I was sick of it.

JB: Huh. That it?

JARED: That’s all you get. I had personal reasons.

JB: (jeez, he’s so crabby) All three of you are former military?

CASH: The military focused my mind—

COLBY: And gave you an obsession. Ever seen that man without his rifle?

JARED: Don’t care how attached he is to the thing, he’s one of the best snipers in the world.