The red in his ears invades his neck. “Yeah, that’s another thing. I’m not so crazy about the idea of using my sperm.”

“It’s not like you’d have to have sex with her…”

“Oh, wouldn’t I?”

“Look,” I say, “isn’t this what you wanted? To have a biological child?”

He drops his eyes. “I wanted a biological child with you, Abby. This is… it’s weird. I don’t want to do it.”

“Well, you can’t have a biological child with me.” I fold my arms across my chest. “Because I’m defective.”

“Stop it. You’re not defective.”

“I am.” I blink back tears. “So if you want a biological child, this is the only way it’s going to happen.”

“Jesus.” Sam rakes a hand through his hair until it stands up. “This is a bad idea. We were going to adopt. Let’s just stick with the plan.”

“I can’t take any more disappointments, Sam.” The tears are spilling over now, rolling down my cheeks. “Monica… she’s a great girl. She won’t disappoint us—I know it.”

He’s still shaking his head. “Abby…”

“We could have our baby in a year. It’ll never be less than that with the agency.”

This is the first thing I’ve said that’s swayed Sam. He’s thinking again about being an “old dad.” Even though he was thirty when we started, he’s now only a few short years shy of forty. He’s going to be an “old dad,” like it or not. The question is how old?

“I don’t know, Abby,” he sighs. He picks up our plates from the table to bring them to the dishwasher. He does that every night without being asked. “I still think it’s a bad idea.”

“Will you at least meet Monica?” I plead with him. “Hear her out?”

He hesitates. And at that moment, I know I’ve got him.

Chapter 6

Monica looks like she’s at a job interview. She’s dressed up in a gray suit jacket and matching skirt, and her dress shirt is so white, it’s gleaming. She’s wearing makeup but it’s so artfully applied that her face looks bare. Her dark hair is swept behind her head in a tight bun. Her fingers are clasped together on the table of the restaurant so tightly, they’ve turned pale.

Sam, on his part, looks like he’s conducting a job interview. He’s also dressed up in a crisp white shirt and a green tie. His glasses slide down his nose as he peers down at the yellow legal pad in front of him. Apparently, he’s going to be taking notes during this meal. So much for putting Monica at ease.

The whole thing would be funny if my entire life weren’t riding on it.