“For someone of my age? No need to be tactful. It is ambitious in some ways, but I have dear Martha who is a wonderful driver and has kept me entertained with her chatter—” She emphasized the word slightly, in case Martha had forgotten how to speak.

“What happens when you reach California?”

Kathleen’s insides gave another lurch. Ruth. For a moment she’d forgotten, but now all those thoughts, doubts, questions and regrets were back.

What if...

Were there two more torturous words in the English language?

She’d never been a person to dwell on “what-if” but for some reason she felt as if she was unraveling. It was all Martha’s fault. Being with her had encouraged an openness that was new to Kathleen, and now she didn’t know how to close herself down again.

Josh was waiting for an answer, and she truly had no idea what answer to give.

“Kathleen hasn’t decided what to do yet.” Martha finally spoke, filling the silence. “She may spend a little time soaking up the Californian sunshine. Part of the joy of this trip is having a flexible schedule.”

Kathleen felt a rush of gratitude and affection. Dear girl. She knew exactly what Kathleen was thinking.

Josh seemed satisfied with the answer. “California is my home state, so if you need any suggestions of places to visit while you’re there, don’t hesitate to ask.”

“Most kind of you.” Kathleen secured her scarf. “Do you have particular places you’re planning to see on this trip?”

“The Grand Canyon. I’m embarrassed to admit I’ve never seen it.”

“You shouldn’t be embarrassed. You’ve obviously spent too much time working, thanks to your unfeeling boss.” She glanced at Martha, but the girl had returned to a state of silence. “I’m pleased you’re finally able to explore the world a little. Don’t rush to get back to work. I was lucky of course, because travel was my work, so I did both.”

They drove through another small hamlet where the smell of barbecue filled the air, and gradually they left the hills and forest behind them.

By the time they arrived at their stop for the night Kathleen was tired and her mind was floating off in directions that normally she didn’t permit. Should she contact Ruth? No, that would be most unwise. Particularly as she hadn’t even opened the letters.

She should have read them. Or at least brought them with her. But the knowledge that they were in her bag would have weighed her down. This trip had been about making the most of the time she had, not about confronting the past.

Was Ruth even in California? Martha had said she would look her up, but really there was no way Kathleen would encourage that.

But what if she arrived home, read the letters, and then wished she’d reached out to Ruth?