I don’t feel indebted to her, but I figure Blanca is expecting some acknowledgment. I invite her and Bibi to dinner. We leave, then have to wait for Blanca, who’s taking her time adjusting some undergarment. I consult Bibi on what I can do for her, for Blanca. She says Blanca likes to dance. I don’t, but I can.

We have dinner and I’m obliged to dance with both of them. It’s not much fun. But Piel Blanca doesn’t reject close contact. I invite her out another night. Thursday? Thursday it is. Just the two of us, that goes without saying.

We go our separate ways.

I leave Julia out of it.

•

I wander away from the busier streets. The heat has broken. I’m clearheaded, fine.

There’s plenty of night ahead. I could go looking for a woman. Or walk to where Adriana Pizarro did it. It’s not time to go home yet; all I’d see there would be dark outlines, the sleeping household. The investigation will begin tomorrow. Tomorrow! How many tomorrows do I have left?

Tomorrow I could change my life. But I can’t change my profession. I am my profession. If I don’t change my profession, I can’t change my life.

Change Julia for someone else. But exchanging one woman for another changes nothing.

Change my memories. The past can’t be changed, it governs us, usually. Thirty-three years ago I was granted this body to which has since been added habits, ideas, a certain way of eating. At seventeen, I had it all wrong. I come from before.

I have a yesterday, I don’t know if I’ll have a tomorrow. I’m certain of just one thing: that at some moment I will die.

•

I dream about the woman who’s my English professor.

She tells me to study, that I have to get out of there.

She seems to be telling me to escape.

Interlude with Animals

BIBI GETS me started with the section about animals:

Suicide of a horse. The trainers try to make him cover a mare. He refuses. In the end they succeed in making him do it. The horse, who knows he was born from that mare, intentionally flings himself off a cliff. (Aristotle.)

“See that picture? It’s done in tempera. What does it show?”

“The sea. Within the curve of a deserted sandy beach. In the background, a tree.”

“And under the tree, what do you see?”

“A couple, sitting in the shade.”