The rest of what he said was lost to me as I turned into the crowd, Kiva at my back. The sharp sound of Shearen’s laughter followed us as I pushed for the far wall, the thud of my heart against my chest leading me onward.

The room was too tight, too full. The mix of perfume and food made the air too thick to breathe. I barely avoided slamming into someone as I pushed through the front doors, through the main hall, and out onto the front steps.

The air was so cold, it burned, but it was fresh, and I gulped lungful after lungful of it until my racing heart slowed. Something tapped my cheek, then again, and I turned my face skyward as rain fell, every drop a shocking touch. I spread my arms and let my head fall back.

Kiva, mercifully, said nothing. She simply stood beside me, her arms folded, shoulders squared in a way that dared anyone to come near us.

I couldn’t explain the betrayal I felt. Over the course of the carriage ride, through our dinner and our talk in the stables, I’d come to understand Ericen a little. But the position he was in wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t like he’d made me any promises. He was an Illucian soldier, and he’d never pretended to be anything else.

But he did make you think he was more.

The rain fell harder. I drew in the night air. What would my mother do right now? She certainly wouldn’t have run away from her own engagement party. She’d have put on a strong face and played her part. Always the diplomat.

Estrel wouldn’t have stood for any of this. She’d have laughed in their faces and walked out without looking back.

“What are we doing here, Kiva?” I asked. “Caylus and I haven’t learned anything, and even Trendell hasn’t fully committed. Now some of the people we needed are dead. Who knows how many.”

She faced me, arms unfolding. “What else can you do?”

“Stop wasting time at stupid balls,” I replied. In the distance, the Colorfalls shone in a hazy glow. Was the egg all right? Had Caylus made any progress?

“Then go,” Kiva said. “I’ll cover for you.”

My heart leapt at the idea, surprising me. It wasn’t just the need to do something or to escape this ball that coursed through me. I wanted to see Caylus.

Kiva smirked like she knew exactly that. “Good luck.” She disappeared inside.

Not wanting to give anyone time to notice I was gone, I didn’t bother returning to my room to change. Flying down the stairs into the courtyard, I commandeered one of the waiting carriages. The driver’s expression bemoaned my soaking dress and hair, but he complied, making quickly for the Colorfalls.

Nineteen