‘Babies are—’

‘I wasn’t talking about a baby. I was talking about Barry.’

I’d laughed. It felt loud and unnatural, but good. It felt good.

‘I never want kids,’ Tash said unapologetically, not caring about being judged.

‘Me neither. Obviously I’ve Archie and he’s a complete joy but I couldn’t go through it again.’

‘Why not? Not that I blame you.’

It was refreshing to meet someone who didn’t want a family. The mums at Archie’s nursery were always obsessing over weaning and potty training and speculating on the perfect time to create a sibling. Tash… well, Tash just didn’t care. Whether it was the alcohol, or the sharing of confidences, I had found myself blurting out, ‘I worry too much that something will happen to him.’

‘I think all mums worry about that, don’t they? That’s why I’m never going to reproduce. I’m too selfish.’

‘They don’t worry as much as me. But that’s what being thrown into the back of a van and kidnapped does to you. It makes you paranoid.’ My voice had been breezy, high with vodka but my palms were sweating. I didn’t usually share but there was something about Tash I wanted to emulate. Her directness. Her fearlessness.

‘Yeah, don’t you just hate it when that happens at the end of a good night out? I reckon Janet’s heading that way with Barry. What does he drive?’ She’d cupped her hands around her mouth. ‘Run, Janet, run!’ Then turned to me, laughter dying on her lips as she studied my face. ‘Fuck. You’re not serious, are you? Kidnapped?’

I’d nodded. Took another swig of my drink. My eyes stung with tears. ‘I don’t know why I said that. I don’t usually tell anyone.’

‘Well… No… It’s not really a conversation opener.’

‘You really didn’t know?’ I had asked. Tash had shaken her head. ‘You can’t have grown up around here then. I’m the cautionary tale. The one parents wheel out to stop their kids breaking curfew. Running riot.’

‘No, I’m not from here. I moved because I wanted to leave home and couldn’t afford city rent. Anyway…’

I’d waited for her to say she was going to the loo, to the bar, to mingle – anything except stay here with me. But instead she’d asked, ‘Do you want to talk about it?’

‘No.’ I drank deeply once more. ‘I was eight.’

‘Fuck’ was all she said and that was refreshing. No false sympathy or platitudes. Just… fuck. It pretty much summed everything up.

‘But I can’t tell you anything else.’

‘Of course. You don’t have to.’ Tash had drained her glass and pulled a hip flask from her bag.

‘I was with my sisters. It was my fault, really. I hadn’t shut the garden gate properly and our dog ran out. We chased him and there were two men and…’ I inhaled deeply through my nose.

‘Van?’

‘Van.’

‘Fuck.’

‘So… I have… issues.’ Then the music changed to S Club 7. Opening up had made me feel lighter. Wanting to reach for the stars. ‘Dance?’ I’d asked her.