TRUFFALDINO accidentally eats the cheque while BRIGHELLA reels off the specials.
TRUFFALDINO: Delizioso. [Delicious.]
BEATRICE and PANTALONA enter.
BEATRICE: What are you doing?
TRUFFALDINO: Nothing.
He spits out the document.
BEATRICE: Is that my cheque?
TRUFFALDINO: What cheque?
He continues to spit the document.
BEATRICE: That cheque!
TRUFFALDINO: Oh, that cheque! Oh no! That cheque. [To BEATRICE] Forgive me. I’ll put it back together.
BEATRICE: You imbecile! You deserve a good beating. What do you say, Signora Pantalona, have you ever seen such stupidity?
PANTALONA: Don’t worry, I’ll write you another.
TRUFFALDINO: Oh, grazie. [Thank you.] See, there’s no problem, she’ll write you another.
BEATRICE: That’s not the point! You are an idiot! A reckless fool! Il batocchio per favore. [The whacking stick please.]
TRUFFALDINO: Have mercy, Signor. The trouble came because Brighella was trying to be all fancy and all I wanted to do was to give you the best service …
BEATRICE: Zitto! [Be quiet!]
TRUFFALDINO: It wasn’t my fault.
BEATRICE: Zitto, I said, and bend over.
TRUFFALDINO: [to the audience] Hang on, is this going to hurt? [To BEATRICE] Okay, I’m ready.
BEATRICE whacks him.
PANTALONA: What’s for dinner?
BRIGHELLA: Is there something in particular that you would like?
PANTALONA: Get me some soft polpette [meatballs], I have an abscess in my tooth. See?
BEATRICE: Did you get that?
BRIGHELLA: Sì, polpette per Pantalona. [Yes, meatballs for Pantalona.]
BEATRICE: Tell Truffaldino to come and serve us.
PANTALONA: [to BEATRICE] Caro Signor [Dear sir], I owe you my life! I still shake with fear. If you had not been there, that savage would have killed me.
BEATRICE: You’re welcome, Signora Pantalona.
TRUFFALDINO returns.
Lazzo of ‘Serving Dinner’.
In this scene TRUFFALDINO serves both masters at the same time. First BEATRICE and then FLORINDO. It is crucial that he keep them apart in order for them not to discover that he is serving both.2
BEATRICE: [to TRUFFALDINO] I would like less folly and more attention.
TRUFFALDINO: Coming right up.
FLORINDO enters.
FLORINDO: Where are you going?
TRUFFALDINO: [aside] Oh, cacca. [Shit.]
FLORINDO: Where are you going with that dish?
TRUFFALDINO: I was putting it on the table, Signor.
FLORINDO: For whom?
TRUFFALDINO: For you, Signor.
FLORINDO: Why are you serving me before I arrived?
TRUFFALDINO: I saw you arrive, through the window. [Aside] Not bad. I had to pull something out of my arse!
FLORINDO: And you start with the meat before the soup?
TRUFFALDINO: Well, in Venice the meat comes out first.
FLORINDO: I am accustomed to different customs, I want the soup first. Send it back.
TRUFFALDINO: Sì Signor.
FLORINDO: And hurry up, I want to have a nap and I want you to find Pasquale.
TRUFFALDINO: Subito! [Immediately!]
FLORINDO: [aside] Will I ever find Beatrice? Oh, my heart, how it longs!
TRUFFALDINO: [aside] Wouldn’t it be brilliant if I could serve both masters at their table, at the same time?
He looks at a plate of meatballs.
Meatballs?! Oh hell, which of my masters ordered these?