I spent some time searching Jimmy’s bedroom looking for clues, but nothing was out of order. This very normality made his absence even more painful. I lay down on his bed, desperately trying to summon up his presence. After a few moments I became aware of something hard beneath the covers, digging into my ribs. It was The Ugly Dragon.

Even though I knew every word by heart, I began to read. My heart seemed to shrink: although I’d made sure that in the story we were always together at the lake, had I inadvertently encouraged Jimmy to go there on his own? And had the story somehow inspired him to do something dangerous, like taking a boat or climbing a tree, or trying to paddle out of his depth? By the time I reached the last page I was sobbing again.

When Mrs D called us for lunch, I dashed my face with cold water and went downstairs. Pa and I sat obediently at the table, looking at our sandwiches. Neither of us could bring ourselves to eat, even to please Mrs D.

Pa stood suddenly, pushing his chair back so violently that it tipped over, falling with a clatter onto the floor. ‘I’m going to call the police.’

Suddenly everything became deadly serious.

22

If only. The two little words went round and round in my head, like a scratched record, until I feared they might send me mad.

If only I hadn’t gone to see Kit last night; if only I’d checked on Jimmy when I got back; if only I’d warned him more often about the lake; if only I hadn’t been so absorbed by my concern for Eli. If only, if only, if only.

Pa told me not to be silly – Jimmy’s disappearance wasn’t due to anything I’d done or not done. ‘It is my fault, if anything,’ he said. ‘For getting so drunk yesterday. I’m your father, and it is my responsibility to care for you both. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own concerns that I’ve neglected you.’ So then it was my turn to try and reassure him. And so we went on, until the police arrived.

In any other circumstances the two men might have made a comedy duo: one tall and thin, with a weasel-like face; the other short and tubby, his trousers clumsily shortened by at least six inches. Yet despite their appearance, the two men were alarmingly businesslike. After a preliminary conversation with all of us, they asked to speak to Pa and me separately. Then they would talk to Mrs D.