She rubbed his shoulders and whispered his name. Rained kisses over his cheeks and in his hair. Through it all he tightened his grip. She didn’t offer a lifeline. She was his lifeline. The reason he could tread water instead of plunge underneath.

He wasn’t sure what love felt like but he sensed this was it.

Acceptance. Forgiveness. Tenderness.

She believed in him when he didn’t believe in himself. Through her he might be able to bounce back because she was seeing the worst and she didn’t bolt. She’d spent years running, but she proved her staying power now.

“Don’t leave me.” He didn’t know the words were inside him until they slipped out.

“Never.”

Chapter 36

They spent a long night talking. Maddie knew Connor needed the emotional catharsis but she did, too. After days of feeling disconnected and worrying their spark grew out of danger and not any real feelings, she experienced a resurgence of hope. The idea that they were a temporary thing was her nightmare. It scared her more than Evan.

The darkness provided the needed backdrop to learn more about each other. A certain comfort came from lying in bed, whispering in the quiet. They talked about their lives before Whitaker, good and bad. His family stories made her double over with laughter. Her tales from Evan’s imposed WITSEC training made Connor swear more than once.

Now the bright light of morning came and they tiptoed around each other. Not because they were uncomfortable but because each thought the other wanted to sleep in. At least, she originally thought that was the case. They’d showered and started their morning. Moving around each other and through the house, she noticed he didn’t give her full eye contact. His gaze would graze her face, then bounce off again.

She didn’t pretend not to get it. Last night he’d opened up and let her see a side he rarely exposed. She thought he might not have believed he possessed the ability for that sort of openness until the feelings came pouring out. All that hurt and pain. It vibrated in his voice and his body language.

Watching the emotions tear through him wounded her. It killed her to see him go through that pain, but she knew he needed to do it. Bottling up despair didn’t make it go away. It grew until it took over so much of who he was. Impacted and chipped away at every part of his life.

He’d let her in and she wasn’t going to let him shut her out. No more hiding or pretending to be okay. Not with her. She understood the temptation. She’d been doing both for so long that it became habit. It was time they both relinquished the medal and let someone else have the title.