‘Well,’ Gemma says. She screws the lip gloss shut and drops it back into her bag. ‘You could try telling him that. Probably he won’t believe you, because he thinks he’s just so irresistible only a crazy person would actually say no to him. But if you can convince him, then he’ll dump Selena for the first girl who does it. That fast.’

‘So why doesn’t Joanne go for it? Tell him she wants his sexy body, but only if he breaks it off with Selena?’

‘I said that. She said no way, he had his chance and he missed it.’

In other words, Joanne is terrified Chris would turn her down. ‘You’re her little sidekick,’ Julia says. ‘You’re not going to do her dirty work?’

A slow, wet smile opens Gemma’s mouth, but she shakes her head. ‘Um, yeah, no?’

‘Like you’re not into him? I didn’t think you’d even need an excuse.’

‘He’s totes yum. Not the point. Joanne would have a coronary.’

Julia says, suddenly, ‘If you’re that scared of her, why do you hang out with her?’

Gemma inspects her mouth in the mirror, dabs away a smear with the tip of her little finger. ‘I’m not scared of her. I just don’t piss her off.’

‘She’d be seriously pissed off if she found out you’d told me about Chris dumping her.’

‘Yeah, I’d rather she didn’t find out. Obviously.’

Julia is turned in her seat, watching Gemma straight on. She says, ‘So how come you told me? It’s not like you care if Selena gets her heart broken.’

Gemma lifts one shoulder. ‘Not a lot.’

‘So?’

‘Because fuck him. Probably you’re right and Joanne’s a bitch, but she’s my friend. And you didn’t see the state she was in, afterwards.’ Gemma clicks the mirror shut and slides it back into her bag. ‘We already started a rumour that she dumped him because he wanted to wear a nappy and have her change it for him—’

‘Ew,’ Julia says, impressed.

Gemma shrugs. ‘It’s an actual thing. There’s guys who are into that. It didn’t work, though; nobody believed it. We should’ve just said he couldn’t get it up, or he had a tiny dick or something.’

‘So,’ Julia says, ‘since you didn’t manage to fuck him up, you want me to do it for you. I get Selena to dump him, then you’ll make sure everyone knows he got dumped, embarrass him the same way he embarrassed Joanne.’

‘Basically,’ Gemma says, unfazed. ‘Yeah.’