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Contents ( 24)
  1. The Secret Goldfish
  2. Copyright
  3. Dedication
  4. Epigraph
  5. Contents
  6. LIGHTNING MAN
  7. SAULT STE. MARIE
  8. IT COUNTS AS SEEING
  9. BLOWN FROM THE BRIDGE
  10. A VISIT FROM JESUS
  11. PETROUCHKA [WITH OMISSIONS]
  12. ELYRIA MAN
  13. THE PROJECT
  14. HUNGER
  15. COUNTERPARTS
  16. DUSTMAN APPEARANCES TO DATE
  17. CARNIE
  18. THE NEST
  19. MICHIGAN DEATH TRIP
  20. THE SECRET GOLDFISH
  21. About the Author
  22. Praise
  23. By the Same Author
  24. About the Publisher

Fish had come into the family fold in a plastic Baggie of water, bulging dangerously, knotted at the top, with a mate, Sammy, who would end up a floater two days later. Pet Universe had given free goldfish to all the kids on a preschool field trip. In less than a year, Fish had grown too big for his starter bowl and begun to tighten his spiralled laps, restricted in his movements by his gathering bulk and the glass walls of the bowl. Then he graduated to a classic five-gallon bowl where, over the course of the next few years, he grew, until one afternoon, still deep in what seemed to be a stable domestic situation, with the kids off at school, she went out to Pet Universe and found a large tank and some water-prep drops and a filter unit, one that sat on the rim and produced a sleek, fountainlike curl of water, and some turquoise gravel, and a small figurine to keep the fish company: a cartoonish pirate galleon—a combination of Mark Twain riverboat and man-of-war—with an exaggerated bow and an orange plastic paddle wheel that spun around in the tank’s currents until it gobbed up and stuck. The figurine, which was meant to please the eyes of children, had that confused mix of design that put commercial viability ahead of the truth. Teddy and Annie hated it. Ultimately, the figure did serve one purpose. It rearranged the conceptual space of the tank and gave the illusion that Fish now had something to do, something to work around, during his languorous afternoon laps, and she found herself going in to watch him, giving deep philosophical consideration to his actions: Did Fish remember that he had passed that way before? Was he aware of his eternal hell, caught in the tank’s glass grip? Or did he feel wondrously free, swimming—for all he knew—in Lake Superior, an abundant, wide field of water, with some glass obstructions here and there? Was he basically free of wants, needs, and everything else? Did he wonder at the food miraculously appearing atop the surface tension, food to be approached with parted lips? One evening, after observing Fish, when she was at the sink looking out the window at the yard, she saw her husband there, along the south side, holding his phone to his ear and lifting his free hand up and down from his waist in a slight flapping gesture that she knew indicated that he was emotionally agitated.