“I didn’t say that. I’m just surprised that she was into…that.”

At her sister’s inquisitive stare, Kate scoffed. “I’m not giving you details.”

“But it…like, you had actual sex? Not just making out, right? You’ve been having an affair?”

Kate bit at her bottom lip. “Yeah,” she said. “We…yeah. But I don’t know if I’d call it an affair. That isn’t what we’ve been doing.”

“Well, yeah…” Beccy disagreed. “You kind of are.”

“I’m not sleeping with her anymore.”

“But you were…”

Kate rubbed at her temples, her throat burning with the threat of tears.

“Oh, Kate.”

“I don’t need you to Oh Kate me, okay? I know it was fucked up. It only went on for a week—that’s all.” She drew a shaky breath. “I just couldn’t not.” As she reached for her coffee, she felt her cheeks heat. “I’m a mess.”

“You’re a mess? I’m twenty-three and pregnant with my second kid, single and living with my parents who are practically paying to raise my kids.” She paused. “So what the hell happened with her?”

Kate explained their argument in the cottage, Sister Ruth standing stunned in their kitchen, how, when Tilly had realised she’d forgotten Lily’s costume behind, Kate had told Tilly to go on to dinner with Sister Ruth and Declan’s family. Kate had been the one who had caught the six o’clock passenger ferry back to Lords, raced up to the cottage for the child’s dress, hopped on the return ferry, and delivered the costume to St. Vincent’s with five minutes to spare until showtime. “That was three nights ago,” she said. “And we haven’t spoken since I met her in the carpark and gave her that fucking angel costume. She hasn’t called…or answered any of my calls.”

“Are you in love with her?” Beccy asked gently.

Kate nodded.

“Do you think she feels the same way?”

“She hasn’t said it, but…yeah.”

Beccy thought that over for a moment. “It was her first time?”

Kate nodded, her heart swelling at the memory.

“Think back to how huge that is,” Beccy encouraged. “Maybe she needed more from you, some kind of promise, something that made her feel like she could trust you, something solid to hold on to if everything turns to dust…”

“Oh, I gave her something,” she rasped, struck with the memory of what she’d proposed. “Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe she went away and overthought it. I mean, I didn’t give it a whole lot of thought after I said it because we had so much going on at once, but maybe it was too much.”

“Too much?” Beccy shook her head in confusion. “What did you say?”

Kate paused.

“Tell me,” Beccy implored.

“I said…”

“You said?”

“I said that I wanted to marry her.”

* * *

As she took the sharp exit to Tullamarine, Kate couldn’t remember the last time she’d been so wired with adrenaline and anxiety. And guilt.

She’d been selfish. So selfish. If only the last-minute call for the job interview hadn’t come four hours before she had to meet Molly and her family at Melbourne Airport. If only the principal from her potential new school hadn’t been half an hour late to the café and then droned on and on, going an hour over time. If only Kate had said, No, I’m sorry, but I can’t do today, it’s New Year’s Eve and I have a prior commitment. Nothing could erase the memory of Molly’s disappointment and panic when Kate had called halfway through her interview when the principal had left to go to the bathroom. Mol, I’m so sorry but I’m not sure if I’m going to make it to the airport in time.