“You’re going for a walk?”

In the open doorway of the cottage, Kate stilled.

Tilly closed the fridge. “I’ll come with you. Just let me get changed.”

A ball of lead sank in her stomach, tugging on her resolve as she watched Tilly hurry at wiping the last plate. Going without Tilly was the whole point of going. Truly, a run was the last thing she felt like after her sleepless night wandering Melbourne. But getting out of the cottage for an hour or so was a break from Tilly. Earlier in the night, when Tilly had stepped into her office and insisted she stop marking and come back to the cottage for dinner, Kate had given in, sat through perhaps the most uncomfortable dinner of her life for politeness’ sake. What were they supposed to do now? Sit and plait each other’s hair in front of the TV? It was only nine. Even though she was exhausted, she couldn’t go to bed—she had checks in an hour. She adjusted her glasses. “I, um, I think maybe I should just go by myself.”

Tilly’s face fell. “Oh. I get it. I won’t bother you again.” She turned back to the sink, but after a moment, she spun. “You kissed me, Kate. You started this.” Her stare was heavy. “Why did you kiss me?”

Why? Because I wanted to. Because I’ve always wanted to. Because I love you.

Kate’s silence was met with a shrug, a scoff. “Guess I’m just not worth the trouble, huh?” Tilly drew the dishrag through her hands and dropped her gaze to the floor. “The confused straight girl still isn’t really worth it?”

Kate swallowed as Tilly’s bottom lip disappeared between her teeth. “I know gay people,” Tilly said. “Lesbians. I’ve heard the way they talk about girls like me—they don’t sleep with straight girls, don’t want anything to do with us.”

Eyes boring into Tilly’s, Kate did her level best not to betray the sadness that gripped her at the suggestion. She had keep this torch burning for Tilly for years. If Tilly truly believed that Kate would throw it all away on an attitude so ridiculous, she obviously had no idea just how invested Kate was. And that…that was devastating.

“You think I want to put space between us because I’m…what? Because I’m arrogant?” The moment pulsed. “Is that what you really think?”

Tilly refused to meet her eye. She gripped the back of a kitchen chair. “I don’t know what to think any more, Kate.”

It was borderline offensive—for somebody to know her so well and think so little of her. Kate’s grip tightened on the edge of the door. “Well when you figure it out, you know where to find me.” Carefully, she closed the door behind her.

Wet, sandy gravel spat at her ankles as she started down the road, heartache swimming through her veins like poison. In the quiet of her heart, she knew she was being selfish—she wasn’t avoiding Tilly simply because she didn’t want to pressure her, or because she respected her engagement. There was more to it. In the hotel room, on the ferry, Tilly had made no suggestion that she had any intention of leaving Declan. To let it go any further and then lose Tilly? Kate wasn’t so sure she’d ever get over it. What they shared wasn’t something to be experimented with. What they had was becoming all or nothing, and without Tilly giving her any kind of hope for a future, nothing was quickly proving to be the safer option.