“You like him as a person. It sounds like you guys click really well and get each other’s sense of humor. You are friends. You add in attraction and intimacy and physicality? Like, that’s going to go somewhere.”

She wasn’t seeing the big picture. “It isn’t. We’re compartmentalizing. I’ve compartmentalized for a really long time. I can do it here, too.”

“You’d have to be superhero-level strong to avoid falling for this guy.” She gestured toward the TV.

“Call me Supergirl. I got this.”

“Okay. You can claim friends only, but you do realize that you’re dating him, right?”

“How do you figure that? We’ve been very clear with each other on what this is,” I said. Even if my heart sometimes wanted to forget.

“Why don’t you want it to be more?”

“So many reasons. Trying to work through my phobia is sort of sucking up all of my emotional energy. The fact that I know things aren’t going to work out between us. That I’m pretty sure he’ll get bored with me and cheat with some groupie and leave.” I let out a shaky breath. Why was this upsetting me? I knew how things had to be.

“I don’t believe that. He was in the army. Don’t they breed them to be loyal? He’d probably make an excellent boyfriend.”

“Being monogamous for Noah Douglas means beating off thousands of women with a stick. For me it means not matching with somebody on Tinder. Unless he defines faithfulness as small bursts of devotion that are followed up by him having the freedom to do what he wants.”

She frowned. “How would you even know that?”

“I’m pretty sure he’s on a date right now.” That sickly jealous feeling returned, making my stomach queasy.

“Do you know that for sure?”

“No. But look at him.” Now it was my turn to point at the TV. “Who wouldn’t want to date him?”

“That’s not what matters. He can make his own choices, and just because someone wants to hook up with him doesn’t automatically mean he’s going to do it. He’s not an infidelity robot set to ‘accept all requests.’”

Maybe I wasn’t being fair to him. “I don’t know why I feel this way. Maybe it’s some internalized thing I have because my dad cheated on my mom and she’s spent my entire life resenting him for it.”

“Which means you should ignore the negative voice in your head and try trusting him.”

Did this mean I had another false voice in my head, telling me something was true when it wasn’t? “Putting that aside, you’re operating under the assumption that he wants to date me.”

“Why wouldn’t he? You’re amazing.”

“You have to say that because you’re my best friend.”