This morning I went to Lady Elstead, who almost fell upon my neck, which is not something one would wish to happen. I requested an interview with Henrietta, wishing to make clear that her action had been irresponsible, etc. I was a fool. I am sure that Henrietta, after the event, is as aware as I was of the dangers involved and must have chastised herself. However, I took it upon myself to act the tyrant and she jibbed at it, and reacted in a manner you would recognise from years past. She flounced, she berated me as if I had committed the fault, declared it was not my right to tell her off, since I was not her brother, (no doubt thinking upon Newbold’s comment) and said she wanted me to leave her alone and go away. She was very angry, and I am not at all sure how to approach her hereafter, since she has expressly told me to keep my distance. My love for her is making it difficult to even think clearly, and I am driven half mad with the fear that she will accept Newbold, who is accepted as ‘a catch’ by the matchmaking mamas. If he were to offer for Henrietta, I have little doubt that Lady Elstead would advocate the union most strongly. I am not sure of Henrietta’s own heart in this. I have seen no sign that she feels any tender emotion towards him, but he knows very well how to make himself agreeable, and if I have bruised her in some way, then she may be responsive to his blandishments.

I had hopes, sir, real hopes, this last week, that Henrietta might have discovered in herself what I discovered some time past, that what we mean to each other is not just the closeness of the past, but a durable, and deep, love. It was too soon to ask, and now I have destroyed what hope there was.

It is all my fault, and you alone may perhaps understand how bitterly I regret what is lost.

‘Foolish chit,’ said Sir John, out loud, ‘and you are little better, my boy. You, of all men, ought to know how Henrietta is when she has done something wrong. I can hardly send to her and order her to fall into your arms.’

He did, however, write to her, gently reminding her that those who loved her best most desired her happiness.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN