ROSS: No.

SIMMONDS: From my pay packet. That’s where it came from. No pay-offs. No nothing. From my pay packet. D’you know why I’m never short of a dollar, Ross?

ROSS: No.

SIMMONDS: Because I’ve never been stupid enough to mortgage m’self up to the hilt. Bought m’self a little weatherboard in Box Hill nineteen years ago. Know what my repayments are?

ROSS: No.

SIMMONDS: Five dollars a week.

ROSS whistles in admiration.

Don’t chase your arse, boy. Get me? There’s a lot more to be got out of life than chasing your arse. There’s a good life here for you in the force if you know how to organise yourself.

ROSS: It’s a pretty good life, is it?

SIMMONDS: If you know how to organise yourself and get your priorities straight. [Pause.] Stuff the rule book up your arse. That’s the first thing you’ve got to learn. Get me? Life’s got its own rules.

ROSS: [vaguely uncomfortable] I… er… suppose this is a pretty busy station?

SIMMONDS: It could be if you let it be.

ROSS: How do you mean?

SIMMONDS: Just what I said. This district has got the highest incidence of crime in the metropolitan area.

ROSS whistles.

All your underworld is within a two-mile radius of this station.

ROSS whistles again.

Tough as nails around here, mate. I’d hate to think of the number of stiffs lying in shallow graves in the Dandenongs, courtesy of this district, boy.

ROSS: [wide-eyed] Really?

SIMMONDS: [nodding] I reckon this’d be about your city’s geographical centre of crime.

ROSS purses his lips.

That’s why they opened up this sub-branch. [Pause.] To help the main station. [Pause.] And we do. [Pause.] But there’s only two of us here. Right?

ROSS nods.

And we can’t handle anything big. Get me?

ROSS nods doubtfully.

Get me?

ROSS nods doubtfully.

We can’t handle anything big because there’s only two of us. [Pause.] We can handle anything small, but then again it’s hardly worth the effort if it’s small. [Pause.] The workload around here is very much a matter of how we see things, Ross. Something doesn’t have to be very big before it’s too big for us and, likewise, something doesn’t have to be all that small before it’s not worth worrying about. This is the best posting in the city, boy. Think yourself lucky.

ROSS: What do we do, then?

SIMMONDS: Anything that looks interesting. And if there’s nothing interesting [pointing to a television set] we watch the midday movie. There’s an old Errol Flynn on today. Like Errol Flynn?

ROSS: How often do you get something that looks interesting?

SIMMONDS: Depends what sort of mood you’re in. Some days just about anything’s interesting. I thought perhaps your arrival might have been interesting.

ROSS: [embarrassed by his lack of interest] Oh, I… er…

SIMMONDS: Just joking, Ross. [Pause.] Got one boy posted out here who walked in and said, ‘I’ve heard about you, you great fat heap of shit’. That was interesting.

ROSS: Why did he say that?