1 Poppy’s use of Laudanum described here is more likely morphine or heroin. Laudanum, a type of opiate diluted with alcohol into a tincture, was popular in the 19th century as an analgesic. Her usage of the term here might be euphemistic.

6

Antonio was warmer to me when he brought in the fruit and books. He handed me three aged volumes: The Critique of Pure Reason by Immanuel Kant, The Collected Poems of John Donne, and Some Dogmas of Religion by J.E. McTaggart.

I remembered most of Kant's work from Vasili who had taken an interest in philosophy in the latter years of his life. I picked up John Donne and read several poems. A light rain fell outside and the approaching thunderclaps punctuated the mood of his poetry.

The guest room must have been a ceremonial or storage room prior to its renovation. It had no windows and was rather small for a bedroom, measuring twelve hobbling crutch steps square. I went to the bathroom once more that night and Antonio poked his white head around the door on the opposite wall as soon as he heard my tell-tale three step gate.

The pounding raindrops resonated on the roof and echoed throughout the nave of the church. Each flash of lightning exploded into brilliant hues from the stained glass. The mood fit Donne perfectly, but poetry, like anything rich, loses its edge when taken in excess.

The third book, Some Dogmas of Religion, was the newest. It looked like a fifties era college textbook and the title suggested it would be dry enough to put me to sleep. The old adage about not judging a book by its cover became appropriate once I'd gotten through the author's preface. I hadn't heard of Dr. McTaggart, but by the time I was a hundred and twenty pages into the text, I was already searching the bibliography for related titles.

The first sections on religion and dogma were as dry as I'd expected. The next section on human immortality reawakened me. And the following section on human pre-existence blew me away. McTaggart was a metaphysician and lecturer at Cambridge around the turn of the last century. He was also a believer in reincarnation.

I had read many books about reincarnation since I'd realized I was unique, but everything I found was written in the context of Eastern Philosophy. Some parts of Hinduism and Buddhism made sense and were very appealing, but I could never embrace them fully because of my inability to accept their major tenant of karma. Nothing in my experience through three lives has ever supported the idea of karmic debt.