The doctor’s words burned into my brain. It was another shock to the system. Another blow from which I knew I would never fully recover.

‘B … but how is that possible?’ I asked him. ‘I didn’t even know I was pregnant. I haven’t missed a period.’

He gave a gentle shrug. ‘It happens, I’m afraid, and far more often than you might imagine.’

The sight of the blood in the toilet and the severity of the pain in my gut had prompted me to tell a nurse and before I knew it I was in a trauma suite being prodded, poked and tested. I’d expected them to say that I was having a severe period, a reaction to what had happened to me. Not in my wildest dreams had I expected to be told that I had lost the baby that Aidan and I been desperately trying to conceive. Surely it wasn’t possible. It had to be a mistake.

‘I know it’s hard to accept,’ the doctor said, and his voice oozed sympathy. ‘But you were at least seven weeks pregnant and I’m guessing you’ve not had any symptoms.’

He was right. I’d had no reason to suspect. I hadn’t missed a period and the next one wasn’t due for another week. And I hadn’t experienced morning sickness, swollen breasts or cravings. Nothing to signal that a new life was forming inside me.

Jesus.

The tears came then, gushing out of me like scorching water from a tap. I wanted to curl up in a ball and die, or at least wallow in grief and self-pity until I was strong enough to face up to what I’d lost.

But I couldn’t do that because I had Aidan to think about. He was my priority now, and the thought of having to tell him filled me with despair.

44

Rosa

The lie she told Alice was a simple one.

‘I had an accident this afternoon,’ she said as she walked into the small Italian restaurant at just after eight thirty. ‘I fell down the stairs at the hotel. It was really stupid of me. I managed to hurt my shoulder and bruise myself in a few places.’

She held up her arm to show the graze on her elbow.

Alice was mortified. ‘Oh, you poor thing, that’s awful. You really shouldn’t have come out. I’d have understood.’

‘I wanted to see you,’ Rosa said. ‘I wasn’t going to pass on our date just because of a little pain.’

Alice fell for it just as Rosa knew she would. Her expression was one of concern and not suspicion.