The heat in Neil's stomach could have been nausea or rage, but he didn't know who he was angry at. His mother had hated his fascination with Exy his entire life. She'd told him over and over he'd never touch a racquet again but she never told him why. He couldn't understand why she had never explained the totality of what they were running from.

"I'm going to be sick," Neil said, getting to his feet.

He was halfway up before Kevin grabbed his wrist to stop him. "Nathaniel, wait."

Neil wrenched free so hard he almost sent Kevin sprawling. "Don't call me that!"

He backed out of Kevin's reach, but Kevin got to his feet as if to follow him. Neil put out a hand to warn him off. His thoughts spun in a thousand directions as he stared at Kevin, at a number and a reputation that could have been his in another life. If he'd impressed Coach Moriyama he would have grown up at Castle Evermore with Riko and Kevin. He'd be wearing the "3" tattoo that adorned Jean Moreau's face.

Neil wanted to hate the way things turned out. For a moment he did. He'd grown up a frightened nothing and no-one when he could have been raised to be a Raven and future Court. Neil loved Exy so much he had to resent being cheated of that chance. But all Neil had to do was look at Kevin to know he would have hated that life too. He'd have learned from the best and played for the best, but he would have been a caged and abused wreck. Maybe he'd spent eight years running for his life, but at least he'd been free.

Now he'd finally hit the end of that leash. Last night Jean said Neil would never be a Fox. He warned Kevin to teach Neil his place in the Moriyama hierarchy and to discipline him for speaking out so strongly against Riko. Riko still considered Neil to be misplaced property. Now that Neil knew the truth, Riko expected Neil to bow his head and fall in line.

"I won't," Neil wanted to say, but what came out was, "I can't be this."

"You should run."

"I can't," Neil said again. Neil realized his fingers were shaking and raked his hands through his hair. It didn't calm the nerves shuddering over every inch of his skin. "I ran for eight years, Kevin. It was horrible even when my mother was alive. Where would I go now that I'm alone? Andrew thinks I'm safest if I stay."
"You said Andrew doesn't know."