"Um, me, for starters," Nicky said, like that should be obvious.

"What." Neil couldn't even make it a question.

He uncurled his fingers and stared at the gray phone resting in his palm. He didn't think a small thing like this should hurt so much, but the grief that punched through him left him in pieces. The roaring in his ears sounded like the ocean. For a moment he was back there on the beach watching fire eat through the car. He remembered how it smelled, the salt of the water and the sick stench of burning flesh. He could still feel the sand on his fingers, warm up top where the sun shone and cold deep down where he'd left his mother's bones.

He'd saved their phones for last. Every time they moved they got new cell phones, prepaid burners they could ditch at the first hint of trouble. He wanted to keep hers. He wanted something real to hold onto in her absence. Even then he'd known better. He threw them into the waves before leaving the beach. He'd never gotten a new one for himself. He'd never seen a point; Neil had no one in the world he could call.

"Neil."

The urgent tone of Nicky's voice finally cut through the buzzing in Neil's ears. Neil dragged his stare up to Nicky's face and realized too late Nicky had been speaking to him. Nicky's expression was tight with concern.

Neil swallowed hard and tried to remember how to breathe. He closed his fingers around the phone so he wouldn't have to look at it and held it out toward Nicky. "No."

Nicky held up his hands. He looked less like he was warding off the phone and more like he was trying to calm a cornered animal. "Neil," he said, speaking very slowly and carefully, "we kind of need you to hold onto that. We need a way to get in touch with you this year."

"You have this way of making people want to kill you," Andrew said.

Nicky looked pained by that tactless explanation but he didn't take his eyes off Neil. "What if Coach needs to talk to you about something or Riko's freaky fans start causing trouble? Last year got really crazy toward the end, and this year isn't off to a good start. That's our just-in-case. You'll make us all feel better if we know we can find you."

"I can't." It was too ragged and too honest, but Neil couldn't help it. If he didn't get rid of that phone he was going to be sick. "Nicky, I—"

"Okay, okay," Nicky said, taking Neil's hand in both of his. "We'll figure it out."

Neil thought he'd feel better when Nicky had the phone, but the overwhelming sense of loss still knotted up his lungs. He tugged his hand free and took the bags of clothes Nicky had hooked over his arm. He didn't have to ask for the keys. Andrew pilfered them from Nicky's pocket and held them up in offering.