Listening to his wife betray him, Philemon decided there and then to begin 1980 with a bang. He had intended to use a large part of his bonus to buy the latest fashions for his children, but instead, he spent it on himself. Over the next few days, he drank himself into a stupor every night at MaDlodlo’s Beer Garden. He bet on a horse at Ascot, Lucky Strike, and the winnings from that allowed him to continue his festivities for a few more days. He slept with one or two ladies of the night and paid them handsomely for their services. Before he knew it, his pockets were empty and his heart was filled with regrets. He had meant to punish Sitshengisiwe through his bad behaviour and neglect of her, but even though he had never acted like this before, she seemed unfazed – as though she had always expected him to sink so low – and her only response was to tighten the Baptist doek around her head.

He began to feel that perhaps she was right, and that he had squandered not just the beginning of 1980 but most of his adult life. What had his dreams been? What had he at twenty-three years of age whispered to Sitshengisiwe when he waylaid her on her way to school and slept with her on the cold aluminium floor of a disused train car? What had made her leave the wonderful life she had known and follow him? What dreams to come had Philemon promised her that had made her walk away from the honour and pride and privilege that came with being the daughter of Cosmos Nyathi? Cosmos Nyathi who, as he was always quick to remind people, had shaken the hands of the British Royal Family.

Philemon tried to remember what he had thought he would become, but he could not. All of his ambitions had turned to dust and been blown away by his many years of service to the Rutherfords. The fear came then, when, after the incident with the artichokes, he realised that his greatest ambition might very well have always been to grow something that would mostly be discarded, save for the heart.

He found that even he could not expect Sitshengisiwe to remain attached to a man with so little ambition, and his fear compounded. He began to feel certain that she would soon leave him – he saw the signs of it in her friendship with the Mthimkhulus. Powerless to do anything else, he turned his fear into anger and waited.

A keening cry splintered his thoughts, and he became aware of a commotion on the street outside his home for the first time. As the sound of wailing approached, Philemon felt his entire body become so weak that he crumpled to the floor. And that was how he knew that the cry contained within it news of Sitshengisiwe.

She had finally left him.

Rutherford & Spokes

RUTHERFORD & SPOKES