The rest of September passes by in a whirlwind of senior year syllabi, mountains of homework, and college application prep. I’ve downloaded the common application for the U.S. colleges and a separate one for Oxford, but my cursor blinks on my blank screen every time I sit down to work on the personal statement for the schools. What can I say about my life? That I miss Levi? That I’m worried he’s being held against his will? Or, almost as bad, that he just doesn’t want to see me? It’s not exactly appropriate college essay material.

The one light in my Levi-deficient existence is Ollie, who luckily hasn’t brought up his feelings for me. I hope he’s changed his mind, or realized that what he thought was “love” was simply affection for his oldest, and dearest, friend. Maybe he somehow sensed at the dance that I was trying to avoid being too close to him. Whatever the reason, I’m grateful. The only thing keeping me afloat these days is his consistent, unwavering optimism. He’s so relieved to be back where he belongs, it radiates off him.

I still can’t wrap my head around what happened to me—how I “heard” his thoughts, and the others’—all three times unwillingly, and at random. I know what it all means. Of course I do. It’s proof that Gravelle wasn’t lying to me. That I’m a Similar. But I simply can’t face it yet. If I do, I’ll break apart. One day after world history, I snag Maude and ask her to meet me in the circular drive that afternoon, to talk.

When we both arrive, I hand her a coffee from the dining hall.

“I miss him,” I tell her. “Levi. I don’t, I can’t believe that this is it for us. I’m so worried about him,” I confess. “Every night, I—” I stop, not able to tell her how much he occupies my every waking and sleeping thought. Maude’s so tough. I don’t know if she’ll understand.

“If it were Jago, I’d be crushed,” she explains simply. Maybe she does get it.

“I need to know everything about him,” I say. “It’s the only thing that will make me feel like he’s not gone. Can you tell me more about what it was like when you discovered your capabilities?” I don’t tell her the real reason I’m asking, of course. I can’t. “We never talked about it, he and I.”