“Stop,” Levi says, standing up from his spot on the floor and sitting gingerly on the other end of the twin bed. I wipe the damp from my eyes and look at him. We’re less than an arm’s length away from each other, and every nerve in my body is standing at attention. This is the boy I’ve missed for months like a kind of homesickness. This is the boy I chose to be a keeper of my secret.

In a flash of realization, I discover I’m not angry at him anymore. The frustration and betrayal I’ve felt toward him has somehow evaporated, vanished like Ollie and my father, and it’s an intense relief to know that, and to acknowledge that. I just miss him, plain and simple. But I’m also saddened when I think of us, the “us” we were. Because we’ll never be that again. Too much has happened, and his lie still hangs between us like a thick fog. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel as safe with him as I did that night we spent together in the seafront hotel, eating chocolate bars for dinner before traveling to Castor Island…

I start to lose myself in the memory, but I force myself to shake it off. It feels like the worst kind of betrayal of Oliver to even think about my feelings when he’s still missing, and we’re here, stuck, unable to help him.

“What if we never find them?” I voice my fears out loud.

“Emma. I said stop,” Levi repeats. He sounds almost angry, which I guess we are. We all are. Gravelle has messed with all of our lives to an untenable degree. “Maybe it is a trap. So what? Would you really rather sit at home and not try?”

“Of course not.” I stand up, making it clear with my body language that sitting so close to him, on this bed, isn’t a good idea. If he views that as some kind of rejection… I can’t think about it. Not now.

“It was your idea to go to Castor Island last year, even when it meant risking everything. You’re the girl who did that. You,” Levi says. He frowns, and in spite of myself I gaze in his eyes, those eyes that reflect the depth of his suffering.

Emma! Focus. On Ollie. On your dad. On Jane.

“Last year we barely made it back alive,” I remind him. “You almost didn’t! I can’t face that again. I can’t.”

All of a sudden, my knees are shaking so violently, from exhaustion and fear, I can’t hold my legs up, and my body sinks down on the bed, where I finally rest, grabbing my legs and hugging them to my chest.