CECIL GRAHAM: But I like talking to a brick wall – it’s the only thing in the world that never contradicts me! Tuppy!

LORD AUGUSTUS: Well, what is it? What is it? (Rising and going over to CECIL GRAHAM.)

CECIL GRAHAM: Come over here. I want you particularly. (Aside.) Darlington has been moralising and talking about the purity of love, and that sort of thing, and he has got some woman in his rooms all the time.

LORD AUGUSTUS: No, really! Really!

CECIL GRAHAM (in a low voice): Yes, here is her fan. (Points to the fan.)

LORD AUGUSTUS (chuckling): By Jove! By Jove!

LORD WINDERMERE (up by door): I am really off now, Lord Darlington. I am sorry you are leaving England so soon. Pray call on us when you come back! My wife and I will be charmed to see you!

LORD DARLINGTON (up stage with LORD WINDERMERE): I am afraid I shall be away for many years. Good-night!

CECIL GRAHAM: Arthur!

LORD WINDERMERE: What?

CECIL GRAHAM: I want to speak to you for a moment. No, do come!

LORD WINDERMERE (putting on his coat): I can’t – I’m off.

CECIL GRAHAM: It is something very particular. It will interest you enormously.

LORD WINDERMERE (smiling): It is some of your nonsense, Cecil.

CECIL GRAHAM: It isn’t! It isn’t really.

LORD AUGUSTUS (going to him): My dear fellow, you mustn’t go yet. I have a lot to talk to you about. And Cecil has something to show you.

LORD WINDERMERE (walking over): Well, what is it?

CECIL GRAHAM: Darlington has got a woman here in his rooms. Here is her fan. Amusing, isn’t it? (A pause.)

LORD WINDERMERE: Good God! (Seizes the fan – DUMBY rises.)

CECIL GRAHAM: What is the matter?

LORD WINDERMERE: Lord Darlington!

LORD DARLINGTON (turning round): Yes!

LORD WINDERMERE: What is my wife’s fan doing here in your rooms? Hands off, Cecil. Don’t touch me.

LORD DARLINGTON: Your wife’s fan?

LORD WINDERMERE: Yes, here it is?

LORD DARLINGTON (walking towards him): I don’t know!

LORD WINDERMERE: You must know. I demand an explanation. Don’t hold me, you fool. (To CECIL GRAHAM.)

LORD DARLINGTON (aside): She is here after all!

LORD WINDERMERE: Speak, sir! Why is my wife’s fan here? Answer me! By God! I’ll search your rooms, and if my wife’s here, I’ll – (Moves.)

LORD DARLINGTON: You shall not search my rooms. You have no right to do so. I forbid you!

LORD WINDERMERE: You scoundrel! I’ll not leave your room till I have searched every corner of it! What moves behind that curtain? (Rushes forward towards the curtain C.)

MRS. ERLYNNE (enters behind R.): Lord Windermere!

LORD WINDERMERE: Mrs. Erlynne!

Every one starts and turns round. LADY WINDERMERE slips out from behind the curtain and glides from the room L.