“You ready for this?” he asks. I can tell by his demeanor that he’s not all that confident. I’m scared shitless. A quick deliberation can go either way in this case. I merely nod at him and head toward the courtroom. I pass Bob and we exchange sympathetic glances. He knows as well as I do what this could mean.

I walk to the front of the courtroom and take a seat. Matthew is already waiting in the first row behind my chair and he gently squeezes my shoulders when I sit down. He leans forward and whispers into my ear, “It’ll all be okay. No matter what happens.” I look back at Matthew, but my eyes meet Eleanor’s. She’s sitting right behind him. We haven’t spoken since the night I blocked her phone number, but we have been seeing each other in this courtroom. She never misses a trial day, and she’s always looking proudly at Adam as if she were attending his little league games. Eleanor gives me a brief glance and then refocuses her attention on the door her son will soon walk out of.

Adam is escorted into the courtroom and seated next to me. His expression is bleak. I know he wants me to tell him everything is going to be okay, but I can’t. I don’t know that everything is going to be okay. But I also won’t try and scare him unnecessarily. I simply rest my hand on his for a moment, offering the last little bit of comfort I’ll ever offer him, regardless of how this turns out.

Judge Dionne takes his seat. The jury enters the courtroom.

“Will the jury foreperson please stand? Has the jury reached a unanimous verdict?” the judge asks.

The foreperson stands and says, “Yes, Your Honor.”

Adam places his hand on mine and squeezes it.

The clerk retrieves the verdict from the foreperson and hands it to the judge. He reads it over silently to himself.

I can feel Adam’s heartbeat in his hand. It’s fast, loud, panicky.

Judge Dionne returns the verdict to the clerk. “Will the defendant please rise?”

Adam stands, letting go of my hand.

The foreperson clears her throat. “We the jury, find the defendant…”

62. Sarah Morgan

62

Sarah Morgan

11 years later

I know what you’re thinking. Did I do everything in my power to save Adam? To try and save the man who ruined our love and our marriage. I ask myself the same question sometimes. And the only answer I have ever come up with is that I did what I had to do. To survive.