Outside, the air feels like I’ve jumped into a cold pool as I cross the threshold of the sheriff’s department out into a temporary escape. I take in a deep breath and blow it out with force as I close my eyes for a second and try to clear my head. I’m trying to think of pure whiteness, a blank word document with not a single line of legalese on it. The monuments in D.C. just after being cleaned. My brain tries to mimic the color and clear itself, but rather than a purge I come face to face with a dark pool of ifs and whys.

A wave of bullshit that comes crashing out of the depths and grabs me with a half dozen tentacles, trying to pull me down into the viscous blankness. I dig my heels in, but it is no use, I am helplessly dragged forward, no escape, no light within, but just as I am about to cross the event horizon, I open my eyes.

My heart rate has accelerated. This respite from the circus is anything but. I look up and see the myriad of dots painted across the nothing night sky stretched behind. I am envious of their isolation. “At least no one bothers you,” I say as a tear begins to well up in the corner of my eye. But no, the dam I have built up to stave off my emotions, for this case, for my career, for my marriage, it needs to hold… at least for a little while longer.

I dry my eye and turn to walk back inside.

Standing in the doorway is Matthew. “I wondered where you had gone to.”

“I just needed a minute—”

He walks to me and wraps his arm around my shoulder.

“You think you fucking know people.” I shake my head.

“Look, for what it’s worth, I think Anne’s intentions were in the right place.” He rubs my shoulder.

“Don’t!” I warn. I really don’t want to hear about Anne’s intentions. I’ve been betrayed by nearly everyone in my life.

Matthew lets out a small sigh and never one to quit, he continues, “Like I was saying. Anne isn’t… how would you say? The strongest of people. She is a follower, not a leader. You have no idea how much that girl idolizes you, Sarah. So, the idea of her being the one to turn your world upside down. She just… couldn’t do it. She was too scared of being the dead messenger that you would just leave in your wake and never remember again. People do lots of stupid things under extreme duress, but I’m telling you right now, I know when someone is lying or not, and that woman in there, she truly loves you and would never mean to hurt you.”