“Yeah, hon?” I answer as I start brushing my teeth.

“Your wife texted you.”

I spit the toothpaste into the sink and rinse my mouth out, wiping my lips with my hand. Back in the bedroom, the lights are on now, and Kelly is sitting in bed, wearing a nightgown, while holding my phone. She smiles up at me.

“What did she say?” I slide a pair of Ralph Lauren pajama pants on.

“She wants to know what you’re doing.”

I take a seat on the bed next to her, pushing her long brown hair back. I gently kiss her neck and shoulder.

“Tell her I’m about to fuck the girl of my dreams again,” I whisper. Kelly laughs and begins texting back.

“Your wish is my command.” She giggles. I swipe the phone from her playfully and get out of bed. I quickly text back.

Since you couldn’t make it to me, I’m coming back tonight to see you. No need to wait up. Love you.

Before I can set the phone down, Sarah texts back.

I love you too. I got a chance to read the new pages you sent over lunch, and they’re incredible. I’m so proud of you XOXO.

I smile for a brief second, before a wave of guilt spans over me. I let out a sigh.

You’re the best, babe. Let me take you out for dinner tomorrow night. Say yes.

My phone vibrates.

Yes.

Sometimes, I get a glimpse of who we used to be, and I think we can be that couple again. But I’ve fucked up too much for that to ever happen, and Sarah’s career has always come first—before me, before a family, before everything. I don’t foresee that ever changing.

I thought when we had kids, she’d slow down, but she told me five years ago she didn’t want kids. I thought I’d be able to change her mind. I couldn’t.

I set my phone down on the dresser and plug it into the charger. I look over at Kelly who is giving me bedroom eyes. She can never get enough of me, and I can’t get enough of her. But I know that won’t always be true. There was a time that Sarah and I couldn’t get enough of each other either. That time passed long ago. Occasionally, those feelings resurface, but they’re short-lived and usually induced by alcohol or time apart. Don’t get me wrong, I love Sarah. If I didn’t, I would have left her long ago. It’s that love that I hold on to—not the money, the security or the houses. Kelly gives me the love that Sarah can no longer. They both complete me. It’s sick I know, but it’s true. I need them both.

“Are you ever going to tell your wife about us?”