“Perhaps,” he interrupted. “But that’s not who I am at all. I cannot and will not change who I am. I was born a middle-class citizen and will die a middle-class citizen. Perhaps as one on the run, but a proper citizen nonetheless, that is certain.”

“Following your high morals, I’m sure you managed to save a large part of your fortune,” she suggested.

He didn’t know immediately how to answer that. “That doesn’t have anything to do with it,” he said at last.

“It has everything to do with it,” she maintained. “After all, sooner or later you’ll have to risk it and take a chance. You won’t have any choice.”

“Yes I will,” he replied decisively. Then he added, “I like you very, very much, madam. I don’t think you can imagine how much. But when it comes to life, I think you understand about as much as I do about novels. Don’t be cross with me.”

She shook her head. “None of you have any inner zing,” she said, without indicating that she had been somehow offended by his attitude or his words.

“Zing? I was brought up to live in normal circumstances. I need order! Clarity! A system, if you will. You have to have grown up with mess and muddle to know how to deal with it.”

“Be glad for once that you’re forced to shed your old skin,” she said with thoughtful cheerfulness. “Of course it’s a terrible misfortune, but in my mind it’s also a boost for your vitality.”

Silbermann laughed so hard he started to cough. “You’re very touching,” he then said. “A person can be on the brink of death and you manage to congratulate him on his sensations.”

He bent over and placed his hand on hers, which was resting lightly on her knee. She let it happen, although her smile disappeared, and she now looked at him through eyes that were almost languid, unmoving, waiting. He stroked her hand several times, then kissed it.

“How interesting you have made yourself,” he said, suddenly switching to the familiar Du—and his voice was a mixture of genuine admiration, gentle irony, and authentic warmth.

EIGHT

I shouldn’t have done that, Silbermann thought. I have no right. After all, I love my wife! It’s just the fault of the circumstances, no question about it. But precisely the circumstances should make me more disciplined. By now I could already be in Küstrin, I should have been there a long time ago!

He looked at his watch. It was 3:40.

A rendezvous, he thought, how long has it been since I had a rendezvous? And now of all times … He had proposed to meet her in the Café am Zoo at 3:30.

He slowed his pace.