I’m waiting for an opening to speak, but she just keeps going. “You just got out of a relationship and I think I’ve been feeling a little lonely and jumped at any opportunity for a spark with someone, even you. Plus, we had our window years ago. If anything was going to happen, that was the time. Not now when we have this great friendship.”

Finally, she goes quiet and takes a deep breath. She said a lot and I’m still wrapping my brain around some of it, but the most important thing I say without hesitation, “You’re my best friend too. Nothing will ever change that.”

“Promise?” She looks more vulnerable than I’ve ever seen her, and I realize just how much I mean to her, too.

I take her hand in mine and gently squeeze her long, delicate fingers. “I promise. I’m not going anywhere.”

The relief she feels is evident in the relaxing of her shoulders. Conversation is still stilted, though, as we eat and clean up the kitchen together.

I’m scanning texts from Jonah and Ollie about their plans for the night while she starts the dishwasher.

“Do you feel like going out tonight?” I ask.

“Am I totally boring if I say no?”

“Not at all. We’ve got an entire month. Movie night?”

Her eyes light up. “Yes, that sounds perfect.”

I let Sydney run the remote and pick what we watch. That nap earlier only served to make me more tired, and I have a sneaking suspicion I’m going to pass out five minutes in. She picks one of the Mission Impossible films—they’re all basically the same—and we lay together on the couch.

Now that I’ve had time to think about what she said earlier, there’s one piece that keeps bothering me. She said, we had our window. I don’t deny that part, but it’s the way she said it, like it wasn’t what she wanted.

That isn’t how I remember it. I kissed her and she shut it down. And, yeah, I thought something would happen eventually but the more we hung out the closer we became and I thought it was a mutual decision that neither of us wanted to risk our friendship for more. To think that we might have hooked up and then never spoke again, seriously makes me feel sick even now.

“Hey.” We’re laying at opposite ends of the couch and I nudge her elbow with my foot. “Remember our first kiss?”

She looks surprised I brought it up at first but then smiles. “Yeah, of course. We were in the pool at The White House.”

“What is it with us and water?”

We both laugh, and then it’s quiet, except for the suspenseful background music of the movie.

“What about it?” she asks.