She liked to pretend throughout their marriage that other married couples were worse off, consoled herself with the fact that Max had a good job, was a kind, generous human being, worked hard, loved her hard, didn’t abuse substances, had never been unfaithful. How easy it was to tick off so many good qualities so she could more easily bury his toxic ones. She saw it more clearly now—how the foundation of their marriage was her denial of the ways in which her husband let her down, the ways in which he lied to her, hid things from her, gaslit her when she complained his spending was getting out of control.

She picked up her phone and tapped Max’s name. He answered on the third ring.

“Max, when will you be home? We need to talk.” The sounds in the background were familiar. A symphony of chimes and beeps, ringing bells. She could picture where he was immediately. “Oh my God. Max, are you back in Murphy?”

“I needed some time to think.”

“How could you do this Max? How could you do this, right now?

While she grieved their lost pregnancy, he lied to her about needing to work and drove two hours away to play the slots in North Carolina. He was gambling at his favorite casino, the place he swore last year he’d never go to again.

“Max, you have thrown us away. Do you understand this? Is this what you want?”

“It’s been a rough few days, Shan. I needed to get my mind off things. Can you just give me this one day?”

“I’m always giving you everything, Max. That’s the problem.” She had longed to stay in Seattle after they married. But he’d wanted to move to Atlanta. She’d wanted to rent a small apartment the first few years so they could pay down their debt, but he pressured her to purchase a home that was too large for them, in a neighborhood further out from the city center. She wanted to take a job working with a nonprofit organization. He steered her to a position with a large law firm so she’d bring in more money (money that he spent on himself). And he lied. He could never stop lying.

“Don’t come home tonight. Don’t come with me to the D&C tomorrow. I want you out of the house, Max. This time I mean it. It’s over. I want a divorce.”