I can see the door, right there on the other side of him, and I need it to get out. So I flick the lighter again, aim the nozzle again, as though to threaten him. It’s not my fucking fault that he lurches at me. That I spray. There are proper flames now and the can is so hot. I drop it.

My pulse is one continuous beat.

I pull open the door, stumble outside and slam it behind me. The key is still in the lock and with shaking hands I twist it.

And then I run.

I don’t know where I’m going, I just run.

Past the car.

And down the path the car drove up. I can still see its tyre marks in the mud. That must be the way to the main road.

By the time I get there, and see the smooth tar and the promise of traffic, my lungs are burning and I’m trembling with adrenaline. I stand in the middle of the road and look around me. Left. Right.

I have no idea where I am. I have no phone. I have no money and no identification.

Left. I choose left.

I take two steps in that direction and boom.

A big, big bang behind me.

I turn to look.

There are flames and smoke and embers. And it’s coming from the cabin I left Thomas in. My mind puts together the picture quickly: gas cooker, fire, wood.

Oh god.

I’m still standing, staring at the smoke, my eyes wide, when I hear the hum of an engine and look behind me. A black car is coming down the road and I raise my hands and wave to it manically. It slows down and stops behind me. I can see the driver peering through the windscreen, his wide eyes focused on the smoke coming from the cabin behind me. He gets out of the car and rushes over to me. He’s speaking in French and pulling out his phone and I don’t really know what’s happening or what he’s saying, all I can hear is the beating of my own heart and the chattering of my teeth, but I do recognise one phrase: ‘Mon dieu’.

He’s talking very quickly on the phone now. He hands me his jacket. And I just stand still, staring at the smoke. Seconds melt into minutes and soon there are sirens.

Chapitre Quarante et un

Chapitre quarante et un