I’d spare her the gory details that would give her nightmares. “He died a coward. My family got the revenge they deserved. He tried to kill me as a boy, but I came back and slaughtered him as a man.”

Tears continued to run down her cheeks, the pain too much for her to carry.

“I became the biggest kingpin in this country. I earned back the wealth that was taken from us. I earned back the respect that his scandal caused. I left that house as a weak boy, but I became the strongest man who could carry all of my siblings out of that house to safety. I became the man who would have kept my mother safe. Never in my life will I be weak again. Ever.” My hands tightened in anger because I’d failed my family. “If I’d been stronger, I could have saved my other brother. If I’d been smarter, I could have suspected his intentions and killed him before he put that gun to my mother’s head.” My voice rose entirely on its own. “I will protect the brother I have left. I will protect my family name. And I will protect the woman I love.” My knuckles turned white as I tightened my fists more than I ever had. I forced them to release before I ripped all the tendons underneath my skin.

She moved into my lap, her arms hooking around my neck as she pressed her face close to mine, rivers of tears down her cheeks, her eyes filled with remorse for crimes she’d never committed. She looked at me before she pressed her forehead to mine. “I’m so sorry…”

My arms wrapped around her and held her against me, smothered by her love and affection, smothered by her smell. She was the single most important thing in the world to me, and as I felt her delicateness with my hands, I knew I would protect this precious thing to the forfeiture of my own life. In a heartbeat. “Now you understand why I won’t change. Why I’ll never change.”

We didn’t speak of it again.

Days passed and she didn’t mention it, but I knew it was on her mind because of her silence. Her mind always seemed elsewhere, living in the memories I’d shared with her, dissecting the tale that no one should have to tell.

We sat together on the couch in my bedroom, the game on the TV above the fireplace and next to her painting. It was a nighttime ritual we did now, spent the evening together watching TV before dinner.