I could tell that he expected Gilbert because his face changed the longer he looked at me, as if it made him physically angry to see me. His jaw tightened like screws that were twisted farther to the right even though they were already tight. His eyes darkened to coals. The veins in his arms protruded even more.

“I’m sorry to disturb you—”

“Then don’t.” He straightened in his chair, pulling his arms off the desk as he leaned against the back. His arms fell to the armrests, one elbow bent as his closed knuckles pressed against his cheek.

“I just want to talk—”

“I hate talking.”

“You didn’t hate it with me…” My fingers came together in front of my waist, interlocking to stop the fidgeting.

His eyes narrowed like that made him angrier. “I hated it then too. Trust me.”

My eyes dropped to his desk, this attempt at conversation pointless. “I’m sorry…about everything.”

His stare remained as cold and intense as ever.

“That probably doesn’t mean anything to you—”

“It doesn’t.” He was still and lifeless like a winter morning. He’d once had a beating heart, but now he was made entirely of stone.

“It’s been weeks, and you still won’t even talk to me. If you hate me so much, why don’t you just throw me out?” I didn’t want to leave. I had nowhere to go. I didn’t want anyone else but him. And he was the only viable option to get Raven out of that camp.

He didn’t answer the question.

“How am I supposed to prove anything to you if you won’t even look at me?” My eyes suddenly filled with warmth, a warning of impending tears. I’d been lost until I came here, and now I was here, but I still felt lost. I gave a quiet sniff to try to suck back the wetness, but it didn’t work.

He used to soften at my tears. Now there was nothing. “If you expect my anger to thaw so quickly, then you really don’t understand how deep your knife went. You fail to grasp the significance of your betrayal. I’m not a man who grants forgiveness. I’m a man who grants death. You should be grateful that I still have no desire to ever hurt you.”

Tears broke free and dripped down my cheeks. “You’re hurting me right now…”

Eight

Winter to Spring

Fender

I came into her room every night and took her the same way.

It was quick, just to get off, and then I went to bed.

Words weren’t exchanged.

She didn’t try to talk to me. She just let me be.