She flashed me her shit-eating grin. “We’ll take the trail.”

Anger shook me as I cursed my companion to exhaustion. I felt utterly helpless, my existence forced into a do-or-die situation that was as frustrating to fathom as it was insane—as insane as what had happened to my family and the rest of the world, as insane as the psychopaths that roamed the countryside and haunted my dreams—only this time I had a choice. This time I could save my life or at least die with some dignity.

“Embrace the fear, Ike. Use it to focus your strength.”

“Okay, Andie, but I’m going first.”

“That’s not a good idea. I’ve done this before—”

“Bullshit. You’ve never climbed this mountain; if you had you wouldn’t have taken us up this route. I knew it back on the last perch when I saw your face. You realized you had screwed up, but as usual you tried to wing it … control the moment. You’re right about one thing though, if we don’t get over that summit now, we’ll never make it down, not in the dark. So we’ll give it a try, only I’m going first. Not because you’re a woman or some other bullshit sense of male chivalry, but because I love you and I just … I just couldn’t bear to watch you fall.”

Tears flooded her eyes, marking the first time she had shown me any real vulnerability. Reaching carefully into her backpack, she removed a twenty-foot length of nylon rope. “Tie off,” she said, securing one end around her own waist, handing me the other. “When you reach the summit you can pull me up. If something happens, then we’ll die together.” She leaned over and kissed me. “You’re the only man I’ve ever loved, Eisenbraun. Don’t fuck this up.”

I looped the rope tightly around my waist while drawing deep breaths into my gut, summoning every reserve of strength I had left. For the first time since we began the climb I felt truly alive, knowing in my heart that no matter what else happened to me in the days or weeks or years ahead, that right here, right now there was no possible way I was going to allow myself to fail.

Chapter 4

4

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence but also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man, but you refuse to hate him.

—MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.

A die-off provokes a different kind of fear than a war or a natural disaster. In war there is a common enemy; in a tsunami, earthquake, or hurricane there is a common bond among humans to aid those in need.