I was finally fit again. I was enjoying my work. Getting more sleep. I couldn’t imagine going back to the new baby stage. The childbirth-ravaged body, the sleepless nights, the non-stop feeding. And then starting again. Trying to reclaim normalcy. I was exhausted even thinking about it.

But then that’s what most couples did. They went on to have more kids.

I was an only child. Having one child was my normal. Besides, I was stretched as it was now. Between work and Gigi and clearly Will. How could I fit in another person to love? Another person to keep safe? I didn’t know if I had it in me.

‘Mummy on the bus say, shhhh shhh shhhhhh!’ Gigi continued to sing on.

‘I’m not just another problem to deal with. I’m your husband. If things are bad at work, tell me about it. If things are stressing you out, tell me about it. I want to help you. I want to be there for you. We’re meant to be a team.’

‘Out now, out now!’ shouted Gigi. She stood up in the bath.

Will went to her, plucking her out and onto the bathmat. ‘Rub a dub dub, three men in a tub,’ he said as he wrapped her in a towel, tickling her as she squealed.

I took another sip of wine. Peng was due to leave London in a week. With any luck she’d still be alive and Tenebris shut down. Or if we failed I’d pretty much not have a job anyway. And then with all that downtime I could really focus on my marriage.

*

I woke with a jolt. I could feel someone there, in the darkness. Silently watching us. I tensed and braced myself.

A soft whisper of, ‘Mamaaaaa,’ then again, a little more insistently, ‘Mammmaaaaa.’

I wondered if I kept feigning sleep she might just wander back to her own room.

There was a pause and then, ‘PSSSST. MAMA,’ she shouted.

‘What? Huh? Hello?’ Will sat up with a start.

‘Bad dweam. Very, very, very bad dweam,’ said Gigi, already climbing into our bed.

‘What was it about, Gigi?’ I asked.

‘Can’t ’member.’ She got in between us and pulled the covers over her.

Ping.

The faint sound of a text message alert came in. Will grappled at his bedside table and picked up his phone.

I looked over Gigi’s head as I saw him stare at the screen, switch it to silent and put it back down.

‘Gigi, you know this is naughty.’ I nudged her. ‘You’re a big girl. You need to sleep in your bed.’

‘I just want to be with you,’ was the plaintive response.