And her name escapes Connie’s lips, choked and confused, and it is almost natural that she is pulled into Alex’s arms, and she clings to her. She forgets who she is, everything she has given up to be here, so broke she almost couldn’t afford her plane ticket, everything else but the two of them dissolving in the tears that are quick to fall.

“I’ve been in love with you since I was fifteen years old. Maybe even before that, I don’t know. I had this big speech prepared and all these things I was gonna say but now I’m just—” Connie sniffles, a small laugh escaping, “I’m here and I don’t even know where to begin. Orla gave me the book you told her to give me and I just knew, there and then. This is—it’s all just so spontaneous. I’m so sorry for being so stupid Alex. I realized the other day—I needed to be brave, just like you. Brave enough to be myself. I’m so sorry for hurting you so much when all I’ve ever wanted was to let myself just love you, and I know we’re young and I know I haven’t got anything to offer you right now but I’m here. I’m here now and I just—I just—”

Alex tugging her behind an alleyway, both of them smiling and laughing. Alex, smelling of old cigarettes and tasting like whiskey, pushing her into bed. Alex pulling her closer in the morning and peppering her naked shoulder with tender kisses, holding her safe in a warm embrace. Alex brushing rain darkened hair from her eyes so their gaze meets across the classroom, lips stretched into a knowing smirk. Alex’s soft voice whispering someone else’s poem in her ear as snow cascades around them. Alex curled up next to her with her head in a book, brows furrowed in concentration. Alex’s bumbling awkwardness, soft and endearing. Alex and the ups and downs, the tears and the laughter, the good times and the bad. Alex Ryan and everything it means to love her, really love her—to be with her, forever.

“You’re insane,” Alex says, “You’re insane and you’re here and I love you, Connie, I love you so much—”

And they laugh together and cry together as they cling to each other, because they never could have learned to let each other go in the first place.

THE END

ABOUT KATIE BROWN

Katie is a postgraduate research student in the field of Biblical studies. She lives in Dublin with her family and attends Trinity College Dublin, where she also received her BA in 2019. Katie also works in Glasnevin Cemetery Museum as a tour guide, and has a keen appreciation of modern Irish history.

She began her debut novel during the COVID-19 lockdown in Ireland after sharing a sample of her writing with two friends who bullied her into finishing it. When she isn’t using her writing as an excuse to procrastinate on her PhD work, she can usually be found taking a nap.