It could come, if she simply waits. The truth is that Connie doesn’t think she has it in her to wait for that day to come. All she’s doing is throwing away precious, precious time, of which they have so little.

She should be starting Business in Trinity tomorrow. Business. The last subject on earth she could possibly want to spend the next four years slaving away at. She bought the books, she paid the fees. But all she could think of was Alex, and the life she turned away. She tells herself that she tried, she really did, to bury Alex. She did everything she could to forget the other girl just as she did when things ended before but Alex was right, she’s always been right—it’s different, now. Different because now she knows, deep in her soul, without a doubt, that she loves the other girl. It’s different now because Alex has escaped to another life without her, one where they could have been free and happy together, ready to face everything that came barreling their way while she sets herself up for a future she has never, ever, wanted. It’s different now because she knows deep down that there’ll never be another like Alex. Even if there was another like Alex, they still wouldn’t be Alex. Alex who understands her, who knows what she is, and loves her still. It’s been three months and all she can do is think about what might have been. All that being apart does is serve to confirm what she has always known; she doesn’t live at all when she’s not with Alex.

It drives her insane.

Once upon a time, before there was Alex and Connie, before there was even Alex, Connie knew what she wanted. She wanted security. She wanted stability. She wanted to live in the bubble her father molded for her for the rest of her days, content in the knowledge that nothing would harm her. And she thought, always thought, that she knew what that meant. It meant graduating from Trinity and a strong husband, all semblances of emotion buried beneath the folds of a wedding dress. For so long she’s convinced herself the vision of her future, the one someone else painted for her, was the one she ought to chase.

But now she knows better, now, that Alex is security. Alex is stability. They have no money and they have no plans for the future, no idea how to make it in the world or what it takes to succeed, but fuck it. When will she ever again feel as safe as she does in Alex’s arms? What will she ever find that is as constant and unwavering as Alex’s devotion? They’re a pair, Connie and Alex. If they’re together everything else will just…fall into place. Alex is the security and the stability she needs. Alex told her once, long ago, that she was waiting for someone who would make her brave enough to come out. She’s been waiting all this time, too, but now she knows, fully and completely, that someone has been there all along. Connie’s never considered herself brave, by any stretch of the word, but that’s exactly what she wants to be. Alex makes her want to be brave.