I held him afterward. Pressed his head against my shoulder and stroked his hair He didn’t speak, and there was moisture on his cheeks which could’ve been sweat or maybe something else. I liked lying with him like this, our legs entwined, our breaths co-mingled.

I may have had sex with a lot of men, but I have slept with very few of them, and it felt like I should grant my husband that much.

I fell asleep thinking that family vacation was a positively brilliant idea.

And woke up to the sound of a guttural cry.

My husband was rocking beside me. In the dark, I could feel his movements more than I could see them. He seemed to be rolled into a tight ball, caught in the throes of a nightmare. I reached out a hand to his shoulder He jerked back.

“Jason?” I whispered.

He moaned lower, rolling away from me.

“Jason?” I tried again, voice louder now, but not too loud, as I didn’t want to wake Ree. “Jason, wake up.”

He rocked and rocked and rocked.

I placed two hands on his back and shook him hard. He went shooting out of bed, scrambling across the room, crashing against a wingback chair, tripping over a standing light.

“Don’t you fucking touch me!” he screamed, careening into a corner. “I fucking killed you! You’re dead, you’re dead, you’re dead.”

I was up out of the bed, hands out as if to brace myself “Shhh, shhh, shhh. Jason, it’s only a dream. Wake up, sweetheart, please. It’s only a dream.”

I reached for the bedside lamp, clicking it on, hoping the sudden infusion of light would snap him back to his senses.

He turned his face away, grabbing the curtain and holding it across his body as if to shield his nakedness.

“Go away,” he whimpered. “Please, please, please just go away.”

But I didn’t I took one step closer to him. Then another Willing my husband to wake up, even as I willed my daughter to remain asleep.

Finally, very slowly, he turned his face toward mine.

I sucked in my breath as I gazed at his oversized dark eyes, still dilated by fear, wild with terror Something clicked in the back of my mind and all the pieces of the puzzle finally fell into place.

“Oh Jason,” I whispered.

And I realized at that moment that I had made a terrible, terrible mistake.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR