She didn’t get it. It wasn’t dying he was worried about, it was his night’s sleep and his peace of mind and his sofa. Were sofas the same after they’d been slept on? His and Charlie’s was scruffy but that didn’t mean he was willing to see it wrecked. What if he felt differently about their house after Wing had stayed? What if it didn’t feel like home any more? As for his budding whatever-you-wanted-to-call-it with Wing – it would probably amount to nothing, but why jinx it before giving it a chance? That Wing was to spend a night under Simon’s roof had already made him feel differently about the man, which was as ridiculous, Simon knew, as it was impossible to do anything about. By accepting Charlie’s invitation, Wing had willingly agreed to play the role of trespasser.

What if he decides he wants to stay longer than a night? What if he never leaves?

‘You’ll know everything tomorrow morning,’ Simon told Sam. ‘You all will. I agree, we ought to be flexible. If Isobel Sturridge wants Tribbeck and her brother there, and if they’re willing to come—’

‘That’s settled then.’ Proust stood up. ‘Let’s spend the afternoon sliding cubes of cheddar and chunks of pineapple onto little wooden sticks for all these guests we’re expecting, shall we?’

‘Don’t pretend you wouldn’t eat them if we did,’ Simon muttered.

‘We’re not hosting, sir,’ Gibbs reminded Proust with a smirk. ‘We’ve, um, subcontracted out the hosting on this occasion.’

Guests, hosting … were they talking like this deliberately? Simon tried not to imagine the deep indent James Wing’s body would make on his sofa cushions. He headed for the door as fast as he could, desperate to escape the confined space.

Lifeworld online, 22 January 2015

BILLY DOESN’T KNOW WHAT A BOOK IS

by Sondra Halliday

On Tuesday I received an email from misogynist murderer Billy Dead Women, in which he accused me of bibliophobia. That means hatred of books. His evidence? He’s sent me two novels that I haven’t read.

This can’t, of course, be because I’m busy and/or unwilling to drop all my other commitments in order to please a murderer I’ve never met. If I’m not obeying Billy’s instructions to the letter, that must mean there’s something wrong with me. I’m a woman and he’s a man, so he expects me to do his bidding.