If I don’t do this now …

I’m out of the car and heading for my target before Charlie can protest. Natalie might know me from the TV but she doesn’t know me. With any luck, she’ll think I’m someone who looks a bit like the comedian Kim Tribbeck.

‘Natalie! How are you? God, how long has it been? How’s Nikhil?’

‘Um … hi.’ She looks surprised. Understandably.

‘How’s life at the Botanic Gardens? Still keeping you busy? You were a bit stressed about it all last time we spoke.’

‘Oh … ha! Yes, the stress is pretty much a constant, but I love it really.’ She finds a smile for me at last. As I hoped: her only ambition is to come out of the conversation without me twigging that she hasn’t a clue who I am.

‘So, you and Nikhil are finally tying the knot, then!’ I point over her shoulder at The Tailor’s Cat.

She frowns. ‘Um … well, no. I mean …’

‘You’re not?’ I make sure to sound suitably incredulous.

‘We tied the knot ten years ago.’

Did you indeed?

She’s worried. If I know her and Nikhil so well, how come I don’t know they’re married?

There’s no ring on her wedding finger.

Brazen it out, Tribbeck. Brazen is your number one characteristic.

‘Oh, that’s right – I remember Nikhil explaining about the no wedding ring thing!’ I say brightly.

‘Yes, well … there’s no point having one when your fingers are buried in soil most of the time. Nik doesn’t wear one either – we bought each other a much-needed new car instead of wedding rings.’

I nod as if I’ve known this for some time. ‘Such a great idea. But … you’re about to have a wedding dress fitted, right? Nikhil definitely said that – or I thought he did.’

‘Oh, I see!’ Natalie laughs. Whatever suspicions she had are gone. People are such trusting fools. ‘No, I’m here with my friend Liv. She’s getting married. Next week.’

Oh Jesus Christ. Is Charlie hearing this?

‘Look, um … it’s been nice chatting but I’d better go – I’ve left my friend stranded on her pre-big-day big day and it’s not fair.’

‘Liv … Zailer, isn’t it?’ I say as if I’m not sure. ‘Yes, that’s right – Nikhil did tell me it was her dress being fitted, now that I think about it. I remember saying, “That’s an unusual surname”.’